JANUARY 11, 1959

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ballet Satire Prepares for Theatrical Debut. Impact: The ballet satire sparked a renaissance of dance-themed reality shows in the 21st century, where ballet dancers and hip-hop artists throw shade at each other while trying to out-dance on a platform that’s definitely not just a glorified stage.. Fact: Fun fact: Ballet was originally a court dance, but now it’s just a way to avoid cardio while looking graceful..
• Headline: Humphrey's Presidential Aspirations Explored. Impact: Senator Humphrey's thunderous aspirations may have inspired countless politicians to think they can yell their way into the presidency, leading to the current landscape where volume often seems to trump content. Who knew that shouting could be a viable campaign strategy?. Fact: Did you know that many politicians actually believe that if they just shout louder, people will forget what they said? It's like magic, but with more hot air!.
• Headline: Hanging of al-Jamali 'Soon'. Impact: The hanging of al-Jamali sent shockwaves through the region, inadvertently leading to a spike in international discussions about human rights. Who knew a tragic event could kickstart a global conversation that would take decades to really get off the ground?. Fact: Hanging as a punishment has been around for centuries, but it’s not the most effective way to encourage good behavior. Who would have thought?.
• Headline: DISPUTE ERUPTS IN U. N. SHIP UNIT; Liberia and Panama Seek Place in Safety Group Over Opposition. Impact: The dispute in the U.N. ship unit may have been the start of a long trend where countries squabble over safety measures, ultimately leading to those absurd safety videos we see on airplanes today. Thanks, Liberia and Panama!. Fact: Did you know that the U.N. is like a family reunion? Everyone argues, but nobody really wants to leave!.
• Headline: Air Service Adds to Its Space. Impact: Lockheed's expansion was the beginning of the aerospace boom, which would eventually lead to commercial space travel. So thank you, Lockheed, for making it possible for billionaires to have their own rocket ships while the rest of us wait for a bus!. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing that flies higher than a Lockheed jet is the ego of a billionaire space tourist..
• Headline: The State of Our Defense; President's Message Raised, and Sought To Meet, 3 Basic Issues of U. S. Security. Impact: President's message on defense led to a decades-long arms race that could probably fill a small moon with weapons. Who knew that trying to be safe could turn into the ultimate game of 'who has the biggest toy'?. Fact: Did you know that the best defense strategy often involves more meetings than actual defense? It’s like corporate America, but with more explosions..
• Headline: Drop Shown in Exports Of Animal-Fat Products. Impact: The drop in animal-fat exports might have led to a rise in vegetarianism years later, influencing global food trends that now leave half the population confused in the cereal aisle. Thanks for the existential crisis, animal-fat products!. Fact: Did you know that animal fats were once considered a delicacy? Now they just make us wonder why we ever thought that was a good idea..
• Headline: BARBECUES LURE TOWNFOLK, TOO; Sizzling Delicacies in Store Windows Now Snare the Impulse Buyer. Impact: The barbecue lure of the townfolk likely created an insatiable craving for grilled meats that would ultimately lead to the rise of food trucks. Because who doesn't want to chase their dinner down the street?. Fact: Did you know that barbecue is basically a way to make meat taste better while simultaneously starting a small fire? Talk about multitasking!.
• Headline: IMPORTS OF LIQUOR INCREASED IN '58; Report Shows Gains From '57 Level in Most Types of Alcoholic Beverages. Impact: The increase in liquor imports paved the way for the modern cocktail culture, where mixologists now charge $15 for drinks that are essentially glorified juice boxes for adults. Cheers to that!. Fact: Did you know that 'imported' liquor is just a fancy way to say 'we paid someone else to bring this to you'? Because nothing says luxury like a label!.