DECEMBER 11, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Philadelphia Electric Security Market Update. Impact: This riveting headline kicked off a series of events that eventually led to the creation of financial jargon like 'marketed at par,' which no one understands but everyone pretends to. This confusion sparked the rise of numerous financial advisers who earn their living by making simple concepts sound complicated. Thanks, Philadelphia Electric!. Fact: Did you know that in finance, 'par' is not just what you aim for in golf? It's also where many investments flop before they realize they need to be 'above par' to make any money.
• Headline: UK Exports Surge in November 1957. Impact: Britain's exports rising like bread dough in a warm kitchen created a ripple effect of optimism that led to a wave of British tourists flocking to the U.S., thus initiating the long, complicated history of British men wearing shorts and socks with sandals. Fact: Did you know that trade deficits are like diets? Everyone talks about them, but no one really wants to stick to them for long.
• Headline: Ralph Towle: Innovator in Aviation History. Impact: The existence of Ralph Towle, while not a global event, caused a series of untraceable genealogical searches by distant relatives who became obsessed with finding their 'famous' ancestor. Spoiler alert: they didn’t find anything. Fact: Did you know 'Ralph' is often mistaken for a sound one makes when nauseated? Just a fun coincidence!.
• Headline: PRELATES OFF TO ROME; 10,000 at Boston AirPort See Cardinals-Designate Leave. Impact: The departure of these Cardinals-Designate for Rome inspired a collective eye roll across the world, leading to a new trend in watch parties for religious events, as if they were the Super Bowl of the spiritual elite. Fact: Did you know that 10,000 people at an airport is less about the event and more about the questionable decision-making skills of those trying to catch a glimpse of some guys in funny hats?.
• Headline: Art: A Traveling Briton; Robin Ironside, Tate Gallery Official, Reports on Painting in America. Impact: Robin Ironside's musings on American art would later inspire countless hipsters to start art movements that involve using found objects and claiming it's a form of artistic expression, leading to a whole new market in overpriced thrift store pieces. Fact: Did you know that art in America can mean anything from a million-dollar canvas to a banana taped to a wall? Who knew minimalism would get so... minimal?.
• Headline: OSCAR. S. BLINN. Impact: Oscar S. Blinn’s existence inspired at least three people to name their pets Oscar, thus ensuring that the name would forever be associated with a slightly disgruntled cat or dog rather than any historical significance. Fact: Did you know 'Blinn' sounds like something you’d order at a fancy restaurant but is actually just a surname? Go figure!.
• Headline: MRS. WALTER HAMILTON. Impact: Mrs. Walter Hamilton’s mention in the news has led to the continued debate over whether it's appropriate for women to be recognized by their husband's name, thus paving the way for feminist movements to come. Thanks for nothing, 1957!. Fact: Did you know that being referred to as 'Mrs. [Husband's Name]' is not just a historical artifact, but also an excellent way to lose your identity at parties?.
• Headline: I.C.C. Explains a Rail Wreck. Impact: The explanation of a rail wreck because of a rusty watertank bracket created a movement towards modern engineering practices. Engineers everywhere suddenly realized that 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' is not a viable safety motto. Fact: Did you know that rusty brackets are not just an engineering term? They also make a great headline for horror stories in the world of infrastructure!.