NOVEMBER 29, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Severe Gale Strikes City and Suburbs. Impact: The gales in Weehawken led to the invention of the first wind-resistant ferryboat. Unfortunately, it only lasted until the next gale hit, thus inspiring a long line of failed innovations in ferry design. Thanks, Mother Nature! . Fact: Did you know that 60 mph winds can turn a simple ferry ride into a thrilling amusement park attraction? Just hold onto your hats—or, you know, your roof..
• Headline: Robert Slauson: A Financial Pioneer. Impact: Robert Slauson's untimely demise sent shockwaves through the stock market, triggering a panic that led to the 1987 crash. If only he had remembered to wear a helmet when riding the bull market.. Fact: Did you know that stock aides have a higher mortality rate than those who invest in crypto? Just kidding, but really, it's a cutthroat world out there!.
• Headline: Mayor King's Service Refusal in Kentucky. Impact: Mayor King's refusal of service sparked a nationwide movement for better customer service in drugstores, eventually leading to the invention of the self-checkout. Thanks for nothing, drugstore!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'the customer is always right' was actually born from a frustrated mayor trying to buy cold medicine? Life lesson, folks..
• Headline: Jazz Concert. Impact: The jazz concert inspired a whole new generation of hipsters who believe that wearing fedoras and sipping artisanal coffee makes them 'vintage.'. Fact: Did you know that jazz was once considered the 'new rock n' roll'? Now it’s just what you listen to when you pretend to be cultured..
• Headline: Theatre: 'Britannicus' at the Phoenix; Racine Play Offered by French Troupe. Impact: The performance of 'Britannicus' by the French troupe sparked a sudden obsession with Racine, leading to a Renaissance of French literature in America. Or at least a bunch of overpriced books at the local bookstore.. Fact: Did you know that Racine's plays are so dramatic they make soap operas look like a Sunday picnic? Grab the popcorn!.
• Headline: CHARLES B,'KARLSON. Impact: The mere mention of Charles B. Karlson has led to countless conspiracy theories about how he was actually a secret agent for the stock market. Was he a hero or a villain? The world may never know.. Fact: Did you know that the letter B stands for 'Boring' in the world of financial advisors? Just saying..
• Headline: MARGUERITE J. GIBSON. Impact: Marguerite J. Gibson's legacy was so profound that it inspired a generation of women to start their own enterprises, leading to the rise of DIY craft businesses. Thanks for the glitter explosion, Marguerite!. Fact: Did you know that if you add 'J.' to your name, it instantly makes you more interesting? Try it out! Marguerite J. Gibson was onto something!.