NOVEMBER 6, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Union Protests Against New Police Bill. Impact: The massive protests against the police bill in Japan sparked a wave of civil disobedience that inspired future generations to question authority. Little did they know, the real battle would be over who gets to decide the best ramen shop.. Fact: 4 million unionists rallied, which is approximately the same number of people who claim to know the best way to make sushi..
• Headline: Mideast's Crucial Period Ahead. Impact: Experts predicting a crucial period in the Mideast led to decades of turmoil, peace talks, and more turmoil. It's like a never-ending soap opera where every season ends with a cliffhanger and a new villain.. Fact: Did you know that 'Mideast Crisis' is the official name of the region's favorite reality show?.
• Headline: U.S. REVERSES STAND ON NEW UNESCO HEAD. Impact: The U.S. reversing its stance on the new UNESCO head caused ripples in international relations, leading to a game of political musical chairs where everyone is just trying to avoid sitting next to the guy who brings up the budget.. Fact: Fun fact: UNESCO stands for 'United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization', but it could just as easily stand for 'Unnecessarily Expensive Social Club'..
• Headline: 5,700 Shells at Quemoy. Impact: The shelling of Quemoy set a precedent for future military engagements, making it the go-to case study for 'How to make a bad situation worse'. Thanks, history!. Fact: 5,700 shells is about the same number of bad puns you'll hear in a lifetime..
• Headline: GERMANS IN CLASH ON POLICE POWERS; Bonn Official Causes Stir by Proposing an Increase in Federal Authority. Impact: Germany's clash over police powers brought back memories of the Nazi regime, which inadvertently became a crash course in how to not run a government. Spoiler: it involves a lot of yelling and very few cupcakes.. Fact: When discussing police powers, you can always count on someone to mention Nazis. It's the ultimate conversation killer, or starter, depending on your crowd..
• Headline: 409,940 Mexican Migrants. Impact: The report of 409,940 Mexican migrants employed in the U.S. became a benchmark for future immigration debates, leading to a series of discussions that, oddly enough, did not include any actual migrants.. Fact: 409,940 is an impressive number, but it’s just slightly less than the number of people who claim to be fluent in Spanish after one semester of college..
• Headline: U. N. IS ASKED TO ACT ON JAILED ALGERIANS. Impact: The UN being asked to act on jailed Algerians opened the floodgates for international intervention requests, eventually leading to a world where every country is just one complaint away from a UN resolution.. Fact: When it comes to international politics, asking the UN for help is like calling your mom when you have a flat tire. You know she means well, but it’s not going to fix itself..
• Headline: City College Gives Award to Gimbel. Impact: City College giving an award to Gimbel might have seemed like a benign event, but it actually set off a chain reaction of awards being given out to people who've done slightly more than just show up.. Fact: Awards are just fancy ways to say, 'Congratulations! You exist!'.
• Headline: Canadian Controller Resigns. Impact: The resignation of the Canadian controller was a pivotal moment in bureaucracy, leading to countless meetings discussing the meaning of 'retirement' in the workplace. Spoiler: it involves a lot of golf.. Fact: When a controller resigns, it's like a traffic light turning green; everyone is excited for a moment, but ultimately, nothing really changes..