OCTOBER 14, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nassau Plea and Vote-List Charges. Impact: If Harriman had actually checked those vote lists, we could have ended up with a completely different president. Maybe someone who wouldn't tweet at 3 AM!. Fact: Harriman was not only a politician but also a businessman, proving that you can indeed do two things poorly at once..
• Headline: Soviet Critique of Western Arms Negotiations. Impact: Zorin's complaints about arms cuts led to endless debates that probably could have been resolved with a simple game of rock-paper-scissors. Imagine the world today if we had just gone with that instead!. Fact: The term 'technical disputes' is just a fancy way of saying 'I don't want to talk about it.'.
• Headline: Britain Achieves Its First Trade Surplus. Impact: This trade surplus was so exciting it sent shockwaves through the British economy, leading to... well, the same old tea and crumpets but with a slightly larger budget.. Fact: Britain's trade surplus was mainly due to reduced prices, proving that sometimes, just being cheap can save the day!.
• Headline: PUBLIC APATHY SEEN AS MAIN U.S. PROBLEM. Impact: Public apathy has since evolved into a global phenomenon, where everyone is too busy staring at their phones to care about anything... thanks, 21st century!. Fact: Apathy is just a fancy word for 'I can't even.'.
• Headline: Atomic Device Is Fired Over Desert. Impact: This atomic device firing over the desert could be seen as the moment when humanity decided to play with fire, leading to a whole series of unfortunate nuclear family gatherings.. Fact: They say what happens in the desert stays in the desert, but that didn't apply to nuclear fallout, did it?.
• Headline: Philippine Toll Put at 75. Impact: The death toll of 75 from this incident echoes through time as a somber reminder that sometimes, the cost of conflict is tragically high.. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, 75 lives lost is a stark reminder that history often repeats itself, and not in a good way..
• Headline: KANSANS APATHETIC; Voters Showing Only Slight Interest in Election. Impact: Kansans' apathy during elections has made it a prime example of how indifference can shape political landscapes, paving the way for more thrilling political races... said no one ever.. Fact: Apathy at the polls is the only thing less exciting than actually reading the voting ballot..
• Headline: POPE LAID TO REST WITH REGAL POMP IN VATICAN CRYPT; Body of Pius XII Interred Near Grave Considered That of St. Peter. Impact: Pope Pius XII's burial with regal pomp might have made some believers feel better about their afterlife, while others just wondered if they could get a better seat next time.. Fact: Being buried near St. Peter is basically the Vatican's version of a VIP pass to heaven..
• Headline: ITALY BARS ALGERIAN; Refuses to Admit Premier of Provisional Regime. Impact: By denying entry to the Algerian Premier, Italy initiated a series of diplomatic misadventures that turned into an international game of 'you can't sit with us.'. Fact: Passport issues are the adult version of 'my mom said I can't hang out with you.'.
• Headline: TUNIS-CAIRO DISPUTE IS STILL UNSETTLED. Impact: The Tunis-Cairo dispute continues to remind us that some arguments can last longer than a bad sitcom, proving that unresolved issues are the gift that keeps on giving.. Fact: Disputes like this are perfect examples of how diplomacy can sometimes resemble a really awkward family reunion..