SEPTEMBER 7, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: California's Ambitious Freeway Expansion Plan. Impact: The ambitious freeway system sparked a wave of urban sprawl, leading to the invention of the drive-thru coffee shop and an epidemic of road rage that echoes through every honking horn today.. Fact: California's highways are so extensive that if you drove them all end-to-end, you'd still be late to your meeting because traffic..
• Headline: Tokyo Denies Taipei's Clarification Request. Impact: Tokyo's refusal to clarify its stance on Taiwan set off a series of diplomatic misunderstandings, ultimately resulting in a worldwide shortage of bubble tea because everyone was too confused to order it.. Fact: Sometimes, the most complex international relationships can be boiled down to who gets the last tapioca pearl..
• Headline: Levittown Expands Schools to Reduce Double Sessions. Impact: The plan to eliminate double sessions led to an educational revolution, resulting in students discovering the joys of sleeping in and teachers developing new methods of pretending to teach during their free periods.. Fact: Double sessions were not just a scheduling nightmare; they also made for excellent excuses for skipping gym class..
• Headline: TV CLASS ON REDS SET IN PROVIDENCE; College Course on History, Philosophy of Communism Will Begin on Oct. 20. Impact: The introduction of a college course on communism via TV paved the way for the modern binge-watching culture, where students now prefer to learn about revolution while lounging in pajama pants.. Fact: This is the only class where you could literally watch history unfold without ever leaving your couch..
• Headline: To Assess Far East Risks; Americans Said to Display Apathy in Face of This Danger. Impact: The alarm over American apathy led to an increase in motivational posters featuring cats and laundry lists of 'Things You Should Care About'—none of which were ever read.. Fact: Apathy is actually a hidden superpower; it allows you to ignore all the world's problems while still feeling superior about your awareness..
• Headline: Have Camera, Will Travel; I TAKE PICTURES FOR ADVENTURE. By Tom Stobart. Illustrated. 288 pp. New York: Doubleday & Co. $4.95.. Impact: Tom Stobart's adventures in photography inspired a generation of wannabe influencers who would later flood social media with endless pictures of their meals, leading to a global crisis in food presentation.. Fact: The phrase 'Have Camera, Will Travel' was later adapted by many as 'Have Phone, Will Post.'.
• Headline: Nehru on 'The Tragic Paradox of Our Age'; In a personal statement, the Indian Prime Minister considers the implications of modern man's conquest of the physical world and his continuing failure to conquer himself.. Impact: Nehru’s reflections on the paradox of modernity inspired countless existential crises among intellectuals, leading to an uptick in coffee shop discussions about the futility of life.. Fact: Nehru’s thoughts are still referenced in coffee shops today—mostly by people trying to sound smart while ignoring their own failures..
• Headline: Milling of Flour in U.S. Increased During July. Impact: The increase in flour milling inadvertently contributed to the rise of gluten-free diets, as people began to realize that bread was not the solution to all their problems.. Fact: Before gluten-free became a thing, the biggest question was whether or not to add gluten to your diet, like it was a condiment..
• Headline: STORY BEHIND MUSIC; John Daly to Be the Narrator in New Series of Television Concerts. Impact: John Daly's television concert series marked the beginning of the end for serious music appreciation, leading to a future where pop stars would be judged more on their social media presence than their actual talent.. Fact: Narration for music programs used to be about the music itself, but now it’s mostly about the celebrity gossip surrounding the musicians..