JULY 19, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Soviet Veto Thwarts U.N. Police Force Attempt. Impact: This veto set off a chain reaction that ultimately led to the U.N. being seen as a glorified debate club, where countries could argue about whose turn it was to do nothing while the world burned. Thanks, USSR!. Fact: Did you know that this veto was basically the diplomatic equivalent of throwing a pie in someone's face at a wedding? Spoiler alert: the wedding doesn't go well..
• Headline: Abraham Teitelbaum's Suspension from Illinois Bar. Impact: Teitelbaum's suspension caused a ripple effect in legal circles, leading to a dramatic rise in dramatic courtroom monologues. Lawyers everywhere thought, 'If he can get suspended, I can surely win an Oscar!'. Fact: Fun fact: Teitelbaum is probably the only lawyer in history to have his license suspended while simultaneously trying to appeal to a higher power—like, say, the judge's sense of humor..
• Headline: DULLES DOUBTFUL OF SOVIET ACION; Tells Senators Russia Won't Intervene Militarily -- Asks More Aid Funds. Impact: Dulles’ doubts about Soviet military intervention paved the way for a delightful era of miscommunication and miscalculations, ultimately leading to the Cold War becoming a very long, awkward family reunion.. Fact: Did you know that Dulles' request for more aid funds was actually a secret code for 'I need a bigger budget to cover all the snacks for this Cold War?'.
• Headline: IBISHOP A. R. CLIPPINGERI. Impact: Bishop Clippingeri's mention in the news likely caused a spike in people suddenly becoming more religious, probably in hopes that divine intervention would help them dodge their responsibilities.. Fact: Did you know that Bishop Clippingeri is rumored to have once participated in a holy game of poker? Legend has it, he always had a straight flush..
• Headline: MRS. JEREMIAH MORAN. Impact: The mention of Mrs. Jeremiah Moran in the news likely inspired a series of grassroots movements advocating for women to have their names recognized instead of being mere appendages to their husbands’ identities.. Fact: Fun fact: Mrs. Moran probably had more influence in her household than any politician in office at the time. Just don’t tell Jeremiah!.
• Headline: House Passes Measure To Number Small Craft. Impact: This momentous decision to number small craft led to a future where boats everywhere became as identifiable as your neighbor's cat—good luck keeping track of all of them!. Fact: Did you know that this measure eventually resulted in the Coast Guard having to hire a full-time cat herder? Turns out, boats aren’t the only things that wander off!.
• Headline: Venezuelan Output Of Oil in First Half Of '58 Showed Drop. Impact: The decrease in Venezuelan oil output set off a chain of events that resulted in global oil prices fluctuating wildly. This eventually led to the creation of an Olympic sport: 'Guess the Price of Gas!'.. Fact: Fun fact: this drop in oil production was so alarming that people started hoarding gasoline like it was a limited edition collectible item—because who doesn't want a garage full of fuel?.