JULY 18, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Teamsters Deny Bribery Allegations. Impact: This denial led to a series of investigations that ultimately resulted in the formation of 'The Committee for Transparency in Labor Unions,' ensuring that union meetings would forever feature at least one overly dramatic reenactment of Shakespeare's 'Julius Caesar'.. Fact: Did you know that bribery in unions is like a game of poker? Everyone's pretending they have a royal flush while they hide their aces up their sleeves..
• Headline: GOP Leadership Struggles in Manhattan. Impact: This rift in the G.O.P. led to countless coffee shop debates and a new trend of 'leadership yoga' where they would stretch the truth while bending over backwards to find common ground.. Fact: Did you know that political parties arguing over leadership is basically just a glorified game of 'who can yell the loudest'? Spoiler alert: it's always the same people..
• Headline: MRS. HENRY B. KAISER. Impact: Mrs. Kaiser’s legacy contributed to the rise of the phrase 'behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes', thus rewriting the narrative of support in partnerships.. Fact: Did you know that being 'Mrs.' often means that your accomplishments are overshadowed by your spouse's? Welcome to the club!.
• Headline: POLICEMAN PRODS TEACHERS ON AID; Columbia Workshop Urged to Leave 'Ivory Towers' to Guide Social Work. Impact: This call for teachers to step into the field led to a national trend of educators moonlighting as social workers, which was a great way to lower their blood pressure with a side of chaos.. Fact: Did you know that 'ivory towers' are just a fancy way of saying 'anywhere teachers go to avoid actual work'?.
• Headline: JORDAN GETS OIL IN A U. S. AIRLIFT; Fuel Comes From Bahrein -- Sea Supply to Follow JORDAN GETS OIL BY U. S. AIRLIFT. Impact: U.S. airlifting oil to Jordan changed the course of Middle Eastern relations, leading to a bizarre trend of oil barons sending love letters disguised as diplomatic cables.. Fact: Did you know that airlifting oil has been a thing since the dawn of time? Just ask anyone who's ever tried to move a canister of gas in the trunk of their car..
• Headline: PENSION BACKED FOR PRESIDENTS; House Unit Favors $25,000 Yearly and Other Benefits for Nation's Ex-Leaders. Impact: This pension plan led to a surge in ex-presidents taking up pottery classes, as they suddenly had both the time and money to pursue their lifelong dreams of crafting mediocre vases.. Fact: Did you know that ex-presidents are essentially the only people who can retire and still have more perks than a rock star? Talk about a cushy gig!.