JUNE 25, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hollings Wins South Carolina Run-off. Impact: Hollings' victory in the run-off created a ripple effect that led to the invention of the 'political victory dance', which has since evolved into the awkward moves seen at every wedding reception.. Fact: Fun fact: Winning a political run-off doesn't actually qualify you for a run-off against your own bad decisions..
• Headline: Whales Take to the Skies!. Impact: The transportation of baby whales sparked a series of aquatic-themed airlines, eventually leading to the rise of ‘Whale Watchers Airlines’—the only airline where the safety briefing includes 'please do not pet the pilots'.. Fact: Whales have been known to communicate with each other over vast distances, which makes you wonder why they can't just text..
• Headline: Military's Right to Speak in Democracy. Impact: The military's newfound freedom to speak led to an unexpected boom in memoirs from former officers, resulting in a surge of book clubs across the nation. 'Military Secrets for Dummies' became a bestseller.. Fact: The right to speak freely is great and all, but it doesn’t come with a guarantee that anyone will actually listen to you..
• Headline: DEPRESSION FEARS BARED IN A REPORT; 2 Economists Wrote Senate Warning of Major Slump -- One Changes Views. Impact: The warning about a major economic slump prompted an immediate spike in the sales of 'How to Survive a Depression' self-help books, which were ironically purchased by those least likely to survive a depression.. Fact: Economists changing their views is like a weather forecast—always subject to change, and often just as accurate..
• Headline: DEMAR'S HEART STRONG; Dr. White Finds Marathons Did Not Injure Runner. Impact: Dr. White's findings about marathon running led to a surge in marathon participation, which eventually caused the global phenomenon known as 'running for your life', where people run just to avoid responsibilities.. Fact: It turns out running marathons is good for your heart! Just don't ask it how it feels about the 26.2 miles..
• Headline: CAVANAGH IS ASSAILED; Firemen's Unit Head Denies Charge of Absenteeism. Impact: Cavanagh's denial of absenteeism led to the establishment of the 'Absenteeism Awareness Day', which ironically became the most poorly attended event in history.. Fact: Absenteeism is the only problem where showing up is considered half the battle. The other half? Actually doing the work..
• Headline: RECORD TAX RATE SET ON CITY LAND; Council Also Fixes Borough Figures to Be Added to Basic Levy of $4.16 TOTALS AT NEW MARKS Highest Is $4.24 in Queens and Richmond -- Manhattan Is Low With $4.21. Impact: The record tax rate set on city land prompted the creation of a new city motto: 'We Tax You More, Because We Care!' It also led to the rise of tax evasion strategies, which are now taught in secret underground classes.. Fact: Setting tax rates is like playing Monopoly—everyone's a winner until someone lands on Boardwalk..
• Headline: EX-PUBLISHER ARRESTED; John Fox Posts Bail in Libel Case Over Gas Dispute. Impact: John Fox's arrest for libel over a gas dispute created a precedent that led to ‘Gaslight Journalism’, where journalists would manipulate the truth to fit their narrative, resulting in the phrase 'fake news' being coined decades earlier.. Fact: Libel cases are basically a fancy way of saying, 'You hurt my feelings, and now I want money!'.
• Headline: Father Sentenced in Stabbings. Impact: The sentencing of the father for fatally stabbing his children sparked debates around mental health and family dynamics, eventually leading to the establishment of 'Family Counseling Month', which no one has ever celebrated.. Fact: Tragedies can sometimes lead to important discussions, but let’s be honest—most of us are still just awkwardly avoiding family gatherings..
• Headline: GOVERNOR ASSAILS PRESIDENT ON BIAS; He Bids Eisenhower Declare Issue Is a Moral One -- Hits Little Rock Ruling. Impact: Harriman's assault on the President regarding bias led to a long-standing tradition of political finger-pointing that has become a global sport, complete with commentators and a reality TV show spin-off.. Fact: Politicians often argue about morals, but rarely take a break from their moral high ground to check if it’s actually stable..