JUNE 4, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Union Chief Embezzlement Case Dropped. Impact: Had Illinois pursued this charge with vigor, it could have sparked a nationwide crackdown on union corruption, potentially altering the landscape of labor relations forever. Instead, it just reinforced the idea that some folks can get away with embezzling funds while still driving shiny new cars.. Fact: Fun fact: The $6,500 embezzled could have bought roughly 1,000 loaves of bread in 1955, which is ironic considering the guy probably needed a few sandwiches for all that guilt..
• Headline: Smith-Corona Faces $3 Million Lawsuit. Impact: This lawsuit could have changed the future of typewriter production, turning every office into a courtroom drama. Instead, it just made everyone hope their typewriters wouldn’t sue them next.. Fact: Did you know that typewriters were once the epitome of office tech? Now they’re just nostalgic paperweights that collect dust and memories of failed NaNoWriMo attempts..
• Headline: Exploring The Time of the Juggernaut. Impact: If only everyone took time to read 'The Time of the Juggernaut', we might have seen less chaos in the world. Or at least more people would understand the term 'juggernaut' instead of using it to describe their favorite sports team.. Fact: Here’s a gem: 'juggernaut' originally referred to a massive Hindu chariot, but I guess it’s fitting we now use it to describe our crushing deadlines..
• Headline: BRAZIL AIDE TO QUIT; Finance Minister Expected to Resign From Post Soon. Impact: This resignation could have sparked a political renaissance in Brazil, leading to innovative economic policies. Instead, it probably just resulted in more backroom deals and a few extra margaritas at the local bar.. Fact: Did you know that the average political resignation in Brazil is followed by a surprise taco truck? No? Well, it should be!.
• Headline: Mrs. Busch Left 4 Millions. Impact: Had her husband not received that inheritance, we might have been spared the onslaught of beer commercials featuring talking frogs and puppies. Ah, the butterfly flaps its wings.. Fact: Fun fact: $4 million could buy you approximately 10 million bottles of beer. Not that Mrs. Busch would have spent it all on beer... or would she?.
• Headline: DE GAULLE GOES TO ALGERIA TODAY TO CALM DISSIDENTS; NAMES ELY MILITARY CHIEF; TALKS WITH SALAN. Impact: De Gaulle’s intervention in Algeria could have led to a peaceful resolution, setting a precedent for colonial powers worldwide. Instead, it fueled a legacy of unrest that would echo for decades.. Fact: This trip was more than just a diplomatic mission; it was a high-stakes game of geopolitical chess, where the pieces were often moved by those far removed from the board..
• Headline: HOFFMAN BIRNEY, WRITER, 67, DEAD; Authority on West Wrote Nearly 30 Books -Was Critic for The Times. Impact: Birney's death marked the end of an era for Western literature, paving the way for modern authors to misinterpret the West in their own unique ways. We thank him for the groundwork, and then we promptly ignore it.. Fact: Did you know Birney penned nearly 30 books? That’s about 29 more than most people have read on the subject of the Wild West!.
• Headline: AMERICAN CHOSEN CAPUCHIN LEADER; Missionary Order Elects Father Clement, Wisconsin Native, as Its Head. Impact: This election could have reignited the Capuchin order’s influence in global missions, but instead, it probably just led to more meetings about meetings.. Fact: Fun fact: Father Clement’s election likely sparked a revolution in the Capuchin order, if by 'revolution' you mean more soup kitchens and less paperwork..
• Headline: Soap Coupons to Buy Rides On City Transit in Ad Deal; SOAP TABS TO BUY RIDES ON SUBWAY. Impact: This innovative deal could have changed the way companies advertise their products, turning public transport into a bizarre barter system. Who knew public transit could be funded by soap?. Fact: Here’s a thought: If people actually started trading soap for subway rides, we’d have the cleanest commuters in history. And probably a lot of confused buskers..
• Headline: BONN REFUSES AID ON U.S. TROOP COSTS. Impact: Had Bonn accepted the aid, it might have strengthened U.S.-Germany relations and altered NATO dynamics. But instead, it just led to more awkward conversations at international summits.. Fact: Did you know that turning down $77.4 million is basically the diplomatic equivalent of saying, 'No thanks, I prefer my financial struggles with a side of pride'?.