MAY 12, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Eisenhower Celebrates Police Anniversary. Impact: This anniversary message from Eisenhower to Kennedy may have caused Kennedy to feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility, which ultimately led to him making decisions that would shape the course of the Cold War. Who knew a simple message could have such a ripple effect? Next thing you know, the Bay of Pigs happens and we're all wondering how we got here.. Fact: Kennedy was once rumored to have been a huge fan of sending 'Happy Birthday' messages to world leaders, but only on odd-numbered years. Just kidding, but wouldn’t that have been something?.
• Headline: Navy's 44-Hour Space Simulation Complete. Impact: Lieutenant Commander Neiman's simulated space flight might have inspired a future generation of astronauts. If he hadn’t completed that flight, perhaps Neil Armstrong would have decided to become a baker instead. 'One small step for man, one giant leap for sourdough.'. Fact: Simulated flights are great and all, but nothing beats the real deal—unless you count the amount of space snacks consumed during those simulations. Astronauts really know how to party..
• Headline: Harvard Welcomes New Law Professor. Impact: The hiring of a new law professor at Harvard might have inadvertently led to an explosion of legal jargon that shaped the next generation of lawyers. Who knew one guy named Cox could change the legal landscape forever? Talk about a 'Cox and bull' story.. Fact: Harvard Law has produced more Supreme Court justices than any other school, which is great unless you're one of the ones who didn’t get accepted. Sorry, future lawyers!.
• Headline: Japanese Oil Company And Kuwait Make Deal. Impact: The deal between the Japanese oil company and Kuwait could have influenced global oil prices for decades to come. Just imagine if Kuwait had instead decided to invest in renewable energy; we might have been sipping coconut water instead of worrying about gas prices.. Fact: Kuwait has more oil than most small countries have in total resources. They could probably fill a swimming pool with it—if it weren’t for environmental regulations, of course..
• Headline: Tax Group Names Head. Impact: B.J. Buttenwieser becoming the tax committee chairman probably means more complex tax codes to come, leading to generations of Americans grumbling about their tax returns. Thanks a lot, B.J.! No pressure.. Fact: Tax day is the only day of the year when adults feel like children again—because who doesn't love being scolded by the government for not keeping perfect records?.
• Headline: A REBEL VICTORY.; The Union Shattered in Field at Petersburg. FINE MARKSMANSHIP. A Splendid Onslaught by 13th Infantry. GUNS OF '60'S ROAR NEAR PETERSBURG. Impact: Reenacting battles can lead to a revival of historical interest, making people think they could have survived in the 1860s. Spoiler alert: they probably couldn't—especially without Google Maps.. Fact: The reenactment of battles often leads to more injuries than actual wars, proving that history buffs have a knack for turning fun into a full-contact sport..
• Headline: U. J. A. DRIVE PLANNED; ' Person-to-Person' Campaign to Be Started May 22. Impact: The announcement of the UJA drive could lead to a resurgence of charitable giving, inadvertently causing a spike in 'feel-good' articles over the years, ultimately creating a world where people try to one-up each other with their 'good deeds.'. Fact: Charity drives are a great excuse to throw a party—because nothing says 'I care' like serving stale cookies while asking for donations..
• Headline: 2 AGENCIES CLARIFY DELINQUENCY ROLES. Impact: Clarifying delinquency roles might have helped streamline community efforts, but let’s be real—it's probably just a bureaucratic move to make it look like something is being done while everyone scratches their heads wondering what 'delinquency' even means.. Fact: The term 'delinquency' sounds like something you'd say when your teenager refuses to clean their room, but it turns out it's a lot more serious than that..
• Headline: Bogota Hails Nixon; Reds' Moves Fizzle; Nixon Is Cheered in Ecuador After Stoning in Peru COLOMBIANS HAIL NIXON ON ARRIVAL. Impact: Nixon being hailed in Bogota could have altered his perception of international relations, leading him to believe he was more popular than he was, which ultimately set him up for a fall that would make even the best soap opera jealous.. Fact: Nixon’s trips abroad were often met with mixed reactions—mostly because he didn’t pack enough souvenirs. Come on, who doesn’t love a good fridge magnet?.