MAY 11, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Philadelphia Playhouse's New Permanent Theater. Impact: This momentous upgrade from tent to brick-and-mortar sparked a nationwide trend of abandoning flammable fabric for buildings, inadvertently leading to the rapid rise of fire safety regulations and a few dozen more boring fire drills in schools.. Fact: The first play performed in a tent was actually a circus act featuring a juggling fire-breather, which is probably why they decided to upgrade..
• Headline: Nancy Carol First's Engagement Announcement. Impact: This engagement led to a chain reaction of 'who's dating who' gossip columns, which ultimately resulted in the rise of social media influencers—because nothing says 'trustworthy' like a selfie with a ring.. Fact: Engagement rings were originally just a marketing ploy by diamond companies to make sure no one left the store without an overpriced rock..
• Headline: Battered Battalion; THE CLAY PIGEONS OF ST. LO. By Glover S. Johns Jr. 257 pp. Harrisburg, Pa.: The Military Service Publishing Company. $5.. Impact: This book's release led to a surge in interest in military strategy, inadvertently influencing future generations to think that war is just a game—thankfully, they were wrong.. Fact: Clay pigeons are actually a euphemism for poorly thought-out military tactics that literally went up in smoke..
• Headline: PARKING PLAN SET BY SOUTHAMPTON; Summer Resort Will Spend $425,000 for Three Lots to Hold 1,000 Autos. Impact: This extravagant parking plan set off a parking lot arms race across the nation, leading to more asphalt than grass and a collective existential crisis about the meaning of summer fun.. Fact: In what might be the worst decision ever, the original plan was to build a giant sandcastle instead of parking lots, but they figured it wouldn't hold up against the tide of vacationers..
• Headline: 5 MORE PAKISTANIS HELD; Police Act After Assassination of Dr. Khan Sahib. Impact: The fallout from this assassination led to heightened tensions and a series of political maneuvers that would eventually inspire an entire genre of political thrillers—because who doesn’t love a good conspiracy?. Fact: Assassinations have been known to create more sequels than Hollywood blockbusters, reminding us that history really does love a good plot twist..
• Headline: TWO CONFERENCES WILL POLICE RATES; Watchdog Groups Set Up to Check on Malpractices -$30,000 Fine Possible. Impact: This establishment of watchdog groups paved the way for the birth of countless regulatory bodies, ensuring that someone is always watching your every financial move—creepy, right?. Fact: The original name for these watchdog groups was 'The Society of Nosey Neighbors,' but they figured that might scare off potential members..