MARCH 29, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Legacy of Blues Innovator Ends in 1958. Impact: The popularity of this music form led to the creation of countless sad playlists that have haunted teenagers ever since. So, thanks for the angst, Memphis Blues!. Fact: Did you know that 'Darky's Sorrow Song' is the original precursor to every breakup song ever? You're welcome, Taylor Swift!.
• Headline: BOXING FIGURE ASKS RETURN OF RECORDS. Impact: Wallman's quest to regain records might have sparked a whole genre of music about lost love and found albums. The 'lost records' archetype was born!. Fact: Did you know that asking for records back is basically the adult version of 'Can I have my toy back?'.
• Headline: British Liberal Wins Devonshire Election; LIBERAL IS VICTOR IN DEVON CONTEST. Impact: The victory in Devonshire dramatically shifted the power dynamics, paving the way for the eventual rise of the British version of the Kardashians, because who doesn’t love a good scandal?. Fact: Did you know that political victories are kind of like winning a game of Monopoly? You still end up with a hotel on Park Place and a lot of enemies..
• Headline: 2 ON F. C. C. SEEK TO SPEED RULINGS; Tell House Inquiry of Need for New Laws to Untangle Complicated Procedures. Impact: The push for FCC reforms may have inadvertently led to the rise of internet memes, as Congress tried to untangle the rules. Who knew red tape could be so inspirational?. Fact: Did you know that ‘speed’ in FCC rulings has absolutely nothing to do with how fast your internet is? It's just a cruel joke..
• Headline: MENTAL HOSPITALS CITE PATIENT DROP; State Aide Says Institutions Expect Decrease of 700 Persons for '57-'58. Impact: A patient drop in mental hospitals could have ushered in a new era of self-help books, which led to the explosion of wellness culture we now find ourselves drowning in.. Fact: Did you know that the rise of self-help books means we all have to pretend we know how to fix ourselves without asking for outside help? Great!.
• Headline: Repair of Stonehenge Arouses Controversy; Restoration of Aged British Monument Brings Protests RESTORATION SET FOR STONEHENGE. Impact: The Stonehenge restoration controversy might have set the stage for future generations to question everything—like, is it really a good idea to restore ancient monuments or just a way to ruin a good selfie spot?. Fact: Did you know that protests against restoration are basically just ancient people yelling, 'Leave my rocks alone!'?.
• Headline: MORTIMER R. SIMON. Impact: Mortimer R. Simon's legacy could have spawned a line of 'Mortimer' action figures, each with a personality as bland as dry toast. Kids everywhere would have had a new best friend.. Fact: Did you know that Mortimer is just one of those names that sounds like it belongs to a distinguished historian or a really boring accountant?.