MARCH 13, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: City Account Shortages Spark Controversy. Impact: If only someone had taken those 'missing' funds and invested them in Bitcoin, we might have a few more millionaires in the city today. Instead, it led to a series of increasingly desperate city council meetings that only served to fuel conspiracy theories about secret underground lairs.. Fact: Did you know that the most popular excuse during financial scandals is always 'the dog ate my budget'? It’s a classic!.
• Headline: Allied Threats Over Soviet Flights. Impact: This little spat over flights led to an arms race in air travel, which eventually resulted in the invention of the in-flight movie. So, you can thank geopolitical tension for that questionable rom-com you watched 30,000 feet up.. Fact: Fun fact: the first in-flight movie was shown in 1921. It was a silent film about the joys of air travel, which was basically a documentary back then..
• Headline: Crude Oil Output Hits 1954 Lows. Impact: The drop in oil output led to desperate measures, including the rise of the 'oil crisis diet' where everyone pretended to love public transport and kale chips. The world is still recovering from that phase.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'low oil prices' used to be a myth before the 1970s? Now it’s just a punchline!.
• Headline: Roll-Call Vote in Senate On Home Loan Rates. Impact: This roll-call vote was so riveting that even the pigeons outside the Senate were falling asleep. Little did they know that this would set the precedent for future votes that would also end in a tie and endless debates. Hooray democracy!. Fact: Fun fact: roll-call votes are the only time politicians are asked to show up and actually do their job. Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: Cavanagh Closes Loft Building As Fire Risk in Downtown Drive. Impact: Closing down a loft building due to fire risks probably saved a couple of hipster artists, who later went on to revolutionize the world of abstract expressionism. And that’s how a fire hazard became an art movement.. Fact: Ironically, the most common cause of fires in lofts is usually the combination of candles and artisan cheese plates. Who knew?.
• Headline: Article 2 -- No Title. Impact: Recalling workers after a layoff is like inviting your ex to a family reunion—awkward, but necessary. This event set the stage for the modern workplace drama where every company learns that layoffs are just a warm-up for a round of recalls.. Fact: Fun fact: the average company can only afford to keep employees for as long as they can avoid telling them that they’re expendable. It’s a delicate balance!.
• Headline: PIPELINE THREAT DENIED BY EGYPT; Feud With Saud and Faisal Will Not Cut Syria Flow, Nasser Regime Says. Impact: Egypt's denial about pipeline threats sparked a series of diplomatic dinners where everyone pretended to like each other while secretly bickering about oil reserves. This may have led to the creation of the world's most awkward political dinner parties.. Fact: Did you know that the most common dish served at diplomatic dinners is actually 'tension salad'? It’s always a hit!.
• Headline: Governor Gary Protests. Impact: This protest over a professor's unorthodox teaching methods likely led to a series of increasingly ridiculous academic debates. Somewhere down the line, it may have even inspired a sitcom about outrageous professors that nobody asked for.. Fact: Fun fact: the only thing more controversial than a criminology class is a criminology class taught by someone who actually has a criminal record. Talk about real-life 'teaching by example'!.
• Headline: 30-FOOT ROAD URGED FOR WASHINGTON SQ.. Impact: The push for a 30-foot road through Washington Square was the first step towards urban sprawl, which ultimately resulted in the need for GPS and an unhealthy obsession with driving everywhere, including to the mailbox.. Fact: Did you know that the average American spends over 38 hours a year stuck in traffic? That’s practically a vacation in the car!.