MARCH 11, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: National Lighting Exposition Highlights Innovations. Impact: The brighter lamps led to an obsession with lighting, causing generations to become overly attached to their lamps, leading eventually to a dystopian future where humans are outshined by their own inventions. Thanks, fluorescent lights!. Fact: Did you know that after this expo, people started holding 'light appreciation' parties? Because nothing says fun like discussing lumens over hors d'oeuvres..
• Headline: Cornell's Historic Gift for Law Students. Impact: This generous gift from Taylor sparked a chain reaction of philanthropic donations, turning Cornell into a competitive breeding ground for rich kids who could afford to pay for their way into elite circles. Thanks, M.C.!. Fact: Did you know that this donation was so large it almost caused an earthquake? Just kidding, but it did cause quite a few trust fund babies to appear!.
• Headline: IRAN FIGHTS OIL PACT; Repudiates Saudi Arabia's Agreement With Bahrein. Impact: Iran's repudiation of the pact created ripples that led to decades of tension in the Middle East, culminating in people having endless debates about oil over coffee. Who knew a simple disagreement could fuel a thousand arguments?. Fact: Did you know that this event is often cited as the moment when 'oil' became more popular than 'gold'? And we all know how much people love their shiny things..
• Headline: Fair Exhibits to Symbolize U. S. Problems; Resources, Slums and Segregation Handled in Brussels Display Pictures, Charts Will Be Used to Show Progress to Fuller Democracy. Impact: The fair exhibits showcased U.S. problems and inadvertently inspired a wave of awareness that led to the rise of social justice movements. Who knew a display could spark such a revolution?. Fact: Did you know that many of the charts used in these exhibits were so confusing that they led to the invention of the phrase 'charting a course'?.
• Headline: ARGENTINA ENDS LONG BANK STRIKE; Threat to Draft Employes Sends Them Back to Jobs in Defiance of Union. Impact: The end of the bank strike in Argentina led to the swift return of banking chaos, which eventually helped to inspire a new generation of economists who thought, 'Hey, this can't end badly!'. Fact: Did you know that the threat of being drafted back to work was so terrifying that it made even the laziest employees jump into action? Ah, the power of fear!.
• Headline: Dulles Warns Asia Parley Reds May Plot Aggression; DULLES SAYS REDS MAY PLAN ATTACK. Impact: Dulles's warning about the Reds plotting aggression made everyone paranoid, which in turn led to countless conspiracy theories about who was really behind the curtain... Spoiler: it wasn’t the Wizard.. Fact: Did you know that after this statement, every meeting included at least one person looking around suspiciously? No one trusts a Red, even if they just want to borrow a pencil..