JANUARY 6, 1958

Full News Archive

• Headline: Record Foreign Vessels Enter Tampa Port. Impact: The influx of foreign vessels led to a shipping boom that eventually caused Tampa to survive a zombie apocalypse—because who else would have the supplies to fend them off? Thanks, record imports!. Fact: Tampa later became known as the 'Gateway to the Undead'—perfect for a vacation... if you're into that sort of thing.
• Headline: French Troops Deploy to Cameroon Uprising. Impact: This military intervention led to a complex web of alliances and tensions, ultimately contributing to a strong push for independence across Africa. Who knew squashing a rebellion could inspire a continent?. Fact: The burning of those villages only fueled the flames of rebellion—sometimes you need a match to light a fire for freedom.
• Headline: Gas Appliances Surge in 1958. Impact: The surge in gas appliance sales led to a future where everyone was competing to create the fastest cooking device—resulting in the Great Microwave Wars of the 1990s. Spoiler: it ended in a popcorn disaster. Fact: The word 'microwave' is derived from the ancient term 'food-sorcery'—because who wouldn’t want magic in their kitchen?.
• Headline: 1,100 Lumber Mills in Florida. Impact: The sheer volume of lumber led to Florida becoming a hotbed for tree-huggers and environmentalists, who later would engage in epic battles with the lumber industry over land rights. Timber!. Fact: Florida’s lumber industry has been known to produce enough wood to build a life-sized replica of the state—complete with alligators, of course.
• Headline: STOCK SALES FALL TO A 15-YEAR LOW; Turnover Is Only 12.1% -Dollar Scarcity Blamed for the Thin Market STOCK SALES FALL TO A 15-YEAR LOW. Impact: This decline in stock sales led to a dramatic increase in the popularity of backyard gardening as people sought alternative ways to grow their wealth—spoiler: it didn’t work out so well for the tomatoes. Fact: The last time stock sales fell this low, people turned to knitting as a viable investment strategy. Spoiler alert: it didn’t pay off.
• Headline: BUSINESS BACKS SMALL COLLEGES; Increases Its Gifts to 453 Independent Schools That Get No Tax Support. Impact: This generous backing of small colleges inadvertently led to the rise of hipster coffee shops on every corner, as graduates sought to live out their 'artistic' dreams while lamenting their student loans. Fact: Small colleges are basically just large coffee shops with a side of education—who needs a degree when you have a perfect latte?.
• Headline: Masons Honor T. Roosevelt. Impact: This tribute to Teddy Roosevelt led to a resurgence in the popularity of mustaches and a national obsession with rough-riding adventure tales—because who doesn’t want to be a rugged teddy bear?. Fact: Roosevelt was a huge advocate for conservation and once said, 'Leave it to the Masons to keep my legacy alive, one secret handshake at a time.'.
• Headline: Moving Group Attains New Long-Haul Marks. Impact: The success of Allied Van Lines led to the widespread belief that moving companies were the true unsung heroes of society—at least until people realized they could just hire a bunch of friends and pizza. Fact: Allied Van Lines once considered changing their motto to 'We move your stuff, you move your friends!'—but decided against it after realizing that no one actually wants to help move.