DECEMBER 30, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: Strengthening the Condon Act Proposal. Impact: The proposed strengthening of the Condon Act had a butterfly effect that resulted in every future politician feeling the need to over-promise and under-deliver. The phrase 'I'll get right on that!' became the universal political catchphrase.. Fact: Did you know that politicians have a secret handbook titled 'How to Look Busy While Doing Nothing'? It's a bestseller among those who prefer to pen legislation instead of actually enforcing it..
• Headline: Hilda Vaughn's Legacy Lives On. Impact: Hilda Vaughn's passing may have led to the unfortunate increase in the number of reality TV shows attempting to recreate her talent. The quest for 'authenticity' in entertainment took a sharp left turn into absurdity.. Fact: Did you know that reality TV stars often refer to their profession as 'acting without a script'? Yeah, that sounds about right..
• Headline: Eden to Move Closer to London. Impact: Eden's move closer to London triggered a bizarre real estate boom in the area, leading to the phrase 'Eden's Influence' being coined among desperate landlords hoping to capitalize on the 'nearby' factor. The more things change, the more they stay the same.. Fact: Did you know that real estate agents will sell you anything if you ask them nicely? Just ask them to define 'nearby'..
• Headline: The G.I. Abroad: He Learns to Coexist; A Survey Finds U.S. Forces Get Along Fairly Well With Civilians Despite Fractions and 'Little Americas'. Impact: The U.S. forces' surprisingly decent relations with civilians led to the formation of a bizarre cultural exchange program where American troops ended up bringing back questionable recipes and bizarre fashion trends. Thanks, military diplomacy!. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. military once tried to introduce 'hot dogs' to France? It didn't go well, but they did learn to say 's'il vous plaît' in return..
• Headline: Teen-Agers' Rocket Fails. Impact: The failed rocket launch by Austin's youth group resulted in a nationwide trend of failed science projects, which somehow led to the rise of a new generation of engineers determined to make sure that their experiments didn't end with a mouse in the witness protection program.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing harder than launching a rocket is explaining to your parents why you didn't succeed? It's basically a rite of passage..
• Headline: Yale Architecture Dean Will Retire Tomorrow. Impact: Dean Smith's retirement marked the beginning of a long tradition of professors being replaced by younger, hipper versions of themselves, resulting in architecture students being forced to endure 'cool' design critiques that made them question their career choices.. Fact: Did you know that architecture students are basically just artists trapped in a math class? It's a tragic but beautiful struggle..
• Headline: MUNDT DENIES AIM TO 'GET' U.A.W. HEAD. Impact: Sen Mundt's denial of ill intent towards the U.A.W. head led to years of politicians developing the art of the non-denial denial, paving the way for future generations to dodge accountability with style.. Fact: Did you know that 'no comment' is just a fancy way of saying 'I definitely did something I shouldn't have'?.
• Headline: Astronomer Doubts Accuracy Of Data on Galaxies' Distances. Impact: The astronomer's doubts about galaxy distance data led to a cosmic conspiracy theory that we’re all just figments of some alien's imagination, prompting a new wave of sci-fi films where the truth is always just a light-year away.. Fact: Did you know that the universe is so big that it's basically the ultimate 'Where's Waldo?' for astronomers? Spoiler: Waldo is always just out of reach..