DECEMBER 1, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: Princeton Library Publishes Fitzgerald Essays. Impact: Fitzgerald's essays and stories become the cornerstone of American literature, causing a future generation of hipsters to don berets and sip overpriced coffee while discussing the existential dread of the modern age.. Fact: Did you know Fitzgerald was actually a time traveler? That's how he managed to capture the essence of the Jazz Age while barely making rent!.
• Headline: Historic Pageant in December 1957. Impact: The pageant's revival inspires a global trend of reenactments, leading to the invention of the 'Historical Pageant Olympics' where countries compete in dramatic retellings of their pasts, complete with costumes and interpretive dance.. Fact: If you think your local Renaissance Fair is over the top, just wait until you see the Historical Pageant Olympics. It's like the Olympics, but with more frilly costumes and fewer athletic skills!.
• Headline: Senator Jenner Decides Not to Run. Impact: Jenner's decision not to run leads to a shocking increase in Indiana's law firm clientele, resulting in a decade-long trend of lawyers replacing politicians as the most despised profession.. Fact: Did you know that every time a politician doesn't run for office, a lawyer gets their wings? Just kidding, they get a new yacht instead..
• Headline: Armstrong Cork Forms Unit. Impact: Armstrong Cork's new unit leads to an explosion of cork-related puns in the corporate world, inspiring a generation of office workers to embrace their inner dad joke.. Fact: Cork is a renewable resource! Just like the excuses we make for procrastinating at work..
• Headline: CANADIAN STRIKE GETS OUTSIDE AID; British T.U.C. and Free-World Unions Bar Registry Shift of Company's Vessels Reaction Is Immediate Ships Sail to Halifax. Impact: The Canadian strike becomes the spark that ignites labor movements worldwide, leading to the establishment of 'International Labor Day' where everyone gets the day off to complain about their jobs.. Fact: Fun fact: The first International Labor Day was celebrated with a giant parade and free donuts. Because nothing says 'let's fight for workers' rights' like sugar and sprinkles!.
• Headline: Fiji Needs More Hotels. Impact: Fiji's hotel boom leads to an unexpected rise in beach-themed reality TV shows, forever changing the landscape of travel and entertainment as viewers dream of tropical escapes while sitting in their cubicles.. Fact: Did you know that 'Fiji' is the only word in the English language that rhymes with 'beach vacation'? Coincidence? I think not!.