JUNE 11, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: Carrier Games: A Transatlantic Exercise. Impact: The U.S., Britain, and France exchanging aircraft led to an unexpected boom in the aviation-themed video game industry. Who knew that fighter jets could inspire a generation of gamers to avoid actual combat by virtually taking down enemy planes in their living rooms?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complex than military logistics is the number of flight simulators on the market? Talk about a side hustle!.
• Headline: Mass Layoffs at Westinghouse. Impact: The mass layoffs at Westinghouse triggered a surge in the local economy of coffee shops and unemployment offices. Soon, the town became known as 'The Latte Capital of Pennsylvania' as former workers found solace in caffeine.. Fact: Did you know that getting laid off can sometimes lead to the best 'staycation' ever? Just ask anyone who's ever been forced into a life of leisure!.
• Headline: Brazil Welcomes Portugal's Military Leadership. Impact: This meeting eventually led to the formation of 'samba diplomacy' where nations would settle disputes through dance-offs instead of negotiations, forever changing international relations into a global dance party.. Fact: Did you know that samba is not just a dance but a potential solution to world peace? If only they’d thought of it sooner!.
• Headline: TRADE UNIT URGED FOR STATE BANKS; Study Proposes Organization on National Scale to Fight Federal Encroachment SUPERVISORS TO BE BASIS Dues of 9,000 Such Officials Would Provide Support-- Equal Voice Planned Objectives Stated Would Fight Central Power. Impact: This push for state banks led to a massive underground movement of bankers forming secret societies, where they would plot the overthrow of federal regulations over weekly poker games. Who knew gambling could be so revolutionary?. Fact: Did you know that if bank supervisors had put as much effort into their poker faces as they did into this study, they could have become world champions?.
• Headline: BIAS BILL OPPOSED BY BROADWAY UNIT. Impact: The opposition to the bias bill led to an unexpected explosion of Broadway musicals addressing social issues, resulting in a new genre: 'Protest Broadway.' The next big hit? 'Les Misérables: The Musical (Again)!'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing less entertaining than a boring bill is a musical about it? But hey, at least the costumes are fabulous!.
• Headline: REPUBLICANS BEGIN A DRIVE FOR SOUTH. Impact: The Republican drive for the South prompted a bizarre trend of political rallies turning into BBQ cook-offs, forever merging politics with southern hospitality. It’s hard to argue when there’s brisket involved!. Fact: Did you know that political debates have never been the same since someone decided to bring coleslaw to the table? Take that, political correctness!.
• Headline: WORLD CITIZENRY URGED; Warburg Speaks and Gets Degree at Roosevelt U.. Impact: Warburg's call for world citizenry led to the establishment of a global holiday where everyone was required to wear matching pajamas and hug it out. That's right, international peace through comfort wear!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more confusing than world citizenship is trying to find a universal size for pajamas? Good luck with that!.
• Headline: CARPENTER CHIEF INVOKES THE 5TH; Hutcheson and 2 Aides Balk Inquiry Into Alleged Profits on Indiana Land Deals Denies Misuse of Funds Aides Under Investigation CARPENTER CHIEF INVOKES THE 5TH. Impact: This invocation of the Fifth Amendment set a precedent for future politicians, leading to the widespread adoption of the phrase 'I refuse to answer that' as an acceptable form of communication in all awkward conversations. Thanks, guys!. Fact: Did you know that invoking the Fifth doesn't just protect you legally? It’s also a great way to avoid answering who ate the last donut in the break room!.
• Headline: Blockade Reported Broken. Impact: The breaking of the blockade sparked a series of events that led to the creation of a new 'Blockade Buster' award, which has since been given to anyone who manages to get through an obstacle course without tripping over their own ego.. Fact: Did you know that breaking a blockade is a lot like breaking a bad habit? Both require a lot of effort, and often, a good therapist!.