JUNE 5, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ward and Teamsters Negotiations Begin. Impact: If only the Teamsters had unionized time travelers, we might have avoided the Great Time-Traveling Union Strike of 2050. Instead, mediators spent decades negotiating with future holograms.. Fact: The Teamsters once organized a protest against time travel because, you know, they wanted to keep the timeline from getting too chaotic..
• Headline: Tension Between Egypt and Soviet Union. Impact: This rift set off a chain reaction that led to the invention of the Soviet-style sandwich: a thick layer of tension, with a side of trade disputes. Deliciously political!. Fact: The last time Egypt and the USSR got along, they accidentally invented a new type of dance called the Cold War Shuffle..
• Headline: Australian Asks "Safe" Policy. Impact: This call for a 'safe' policy eventually led to the invention of the world's first bubble wrap suit. Safety first, fashion second!. Fact: Prof. Oliphant's 'safe' policy was actually inspired by his fear of accidental explosions during his chemistry experiments. Who knew academia could be so explosive?.
• Headline: Soviet Says Cablegrams From U.S. Hail TV Talk. Impact: Khrushchev's congratulatory wires sparked a new trend in international diplomacy: sending 'thank you' emojis. It's all downhill from here, folks!. Fact: Moscow radio once tried to start a fan club for Khrushchev, but it only attracted people who were good at making awkward small talk..
• Headline: 95 REBELS KILLED IN ALGERIA BATTLE; 10 Frenchmen Die in Hill Clash-Pro-Paris Moslem and Nephew Are Slain Assassinations in West 95 REBELS KILLED IN ALGERIA BATTLE Paris, Tunis Trade Charges U.N. Investigation Urged. Impact: The deaths of rebels and French soldiers caused a butterfly effect that contributed to the rise of historical soap operas. Drama sells, even in history!. Fact: Ever notice how every war has an accompanying tragic love story? History should really consider hiring better writers..
• Headline: SPELLMAN IS HONORED; Given Doctor of Laws Degree by Providence College. Impact: Spellman's honorary degree paved the way for a bizarre trend of giving diplomas to fictional characters, leading to the prestigious Hogwarts Alumni Association!. Fact: Providence College once considered giving an honorary degree to a talking cat—because who doesn't want a feline philosopher?.
• Headline: BROWNELL DELAYING RED-FRONT CASES. Impact: Brownell's delay opened the door for conspiracy theories about secret agents, creating a new genre of thrillers that still confuse audiences today. Thanks, Attorney General!. Fact: The only thing more secretive than U.S. agents in Communist affairs is how many times Brownell has accidentally called a press conference a 'dinner party.'.
• Headline: C.B.S. SELLS TALK OF KHRUSHCHEV; TV Film Interview of Soviet Leader Will Be Reshown in U.S. and Elsewhere. Impact: CBS's sale of Khrushchev's interview created the first international debate club, where they argued about who could make the best borscht while dodging Cold War tension.. Fact: Khrushchev once tried to sell his own line of cooking shows, but they were deemed too spicy for the Cold War palate..