MAY 7, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cuban Political Stability Efforts of 1957. Impact: If only the Cubans had known that appeasing opposition would lead to decades of salsa dancing and political exile, they might have taken a different route. But hey, at least they have cigars!. Fact: Did you know that Cuba has the highest literacy rate in Latin America? Maybe they should have read the fine print of their peace plan!.
• Headline: Kennedy Advocates Satellite Aid Policy. Impact: Kennedy's support for satellite nations sparked a cosmic chain reaction, eventually leading to the invention of Tupperware—because, you know, we needed a way to store all that leftover Cold War tension.. Fact: Did you know that 'satellite' was also a popular term for those who just couldn't shake off their exes?.
• Headline: IRAN AND SOVIET AGREE; New Treaty on Border Near --Repatriation Provided. Impact: The Iran-USSR border treaty led to a series of unfortunate events. If only they'd just agreed on a game of chess instead, the world might have been less complicated—oh wait, it wouldn't be politics then.. Fact: Did you know that borders are just lines on a map? They make for great arguments, though!.
• Headline: CITY COLLEGES ASK $100,000 COMMAND; Beside Chancellor, 2 Other Top Posts and Staff Are Slated for Coordination Plans Are Rushed. Impact: Requesting funds for coordination might have led to a chain of bureaucratic red tape that could rival a horror movie. Spoiler alert: the budget never gets passed!. Fact: Did you know that asking for $100,000 in a budget proposal is like asking your parents for a new car? Good luck with that!.
• Headline: Article 1 -- No Title. Impact: The mysterious 'Article 1' shows us that sometimes, the most interesting things are never fully explained. It’s the political equivalent of a cliffhanger!. Fact: Did you know that leaving things untitled is a great way to keep people guessing? It's like a surprise party, but less fun..
• Headline: Neuberger Appeals to Wilson. Impact: Neuberger's appeal to Wilson might have inadvertently inspired future politicians to reach out to business tycoons, establishing the age of the political donor. Because who doesn't love a good quid pro quo?. Fact: Did you know that 'businessmen' and 'politicians' are often used interchangeably in the game of Monopoly? Just without the fun!.
• Headline: NASSAU JOBS REVISED; Proposed Change Would Give Pay Rises to Most Workers. Impact: Nassau's job reclassification could have led to a nationwide trend of job titles becoming more and more absurd, resulting in a society where everyone is a 'Chief Happiness Officer.'. Fact: Did you know that 90% of employees getting a pay rise is just a fancy way of saying 10% of the workforce is still getting stiffed?.
• Headline: Kennedy Tells How He Lost His Big Race. Impact: Kennedy's jest about losing a race may have set the stage for future politicians to treat elections like reality TV, complete with dramatic exits and surprise guest appearances.. Fact: Did you know that losing gracefully is an art? It's just a shame that not all politicians have taken that class..
• Headline: Cypriote, 17, Gets 5 Years. Impact: The sentencing of a 17-year-old for possessing a bomb likely sent shockwaves through the youth culture, inspiring an entire sub-genre of rebellious teens—minus the bomb part, hopefully.. Fact: Did you know that teenagers often think they're invincible? Turns out, not when you're carrying a bomb!.