APRIL 12, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: 'Zuleika' Debuts in London Musical. Impact: The success of 'Zuleika' led to an endless stream of terrible adaptations of classic literature into musicals, ultimately giving birth to 'Cats' and ruining countless weekends for theatergoers.. Fact: Did you know that Sir Max Beerbohm once claimed that he was born to write witty commentary and that he was just waiting for the world to catch up with his genius? Spoiler: it still hasn’t..
• Headline: First Test of Stage Rockets Launched. Impact: The failure of this test launched a series of excuses for why the US couldn't just ‘wing it’ with rockets, leading to a future where every NASA press release sounds like a high school science project gone wrong.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'satellite not included' has been used in marketing since the dawn of time? Okay, maybe just since the dawn of overpriced toys..
• Headline: House Rejects Veto Power for Congress. Impact: This legislative shift allowed Congress to veto Interior Secretary projects, leading to a world where every construction project was either delayed indefinitely or hastily greenlit, leaving many wondering if they should just build treehouses instead.. Fact: Did you know the House of Representatives operates under a unique principle: if it’s not broken, let’s fix it until it is?.
• Headline: Soviet Seeks Japan Air Link. Impact: This quest for air links led to a series of awkward international conversations that eventually resulted in inflatable neck pillows becoming a staple of travel—because who doesn't want to nap in a cramped space?. Fact: Did you know that the USSR's idea of 'seeking' is basically just sending a postcard saying 'Wish you were here'?.
• Headline: NEW HOUSING DIPS TO AN 8-YEAR LOW; March Rate Down 16% From 1956--Other Construction at record for Month. Impact: The plummeting housing rates set off a panic that led to the invention of the 'tiny house' movement, because if you can't build big, why not just live small and call it a lifestyle choice?. Fact: Did you know that the last time housing dipped to such lows, the only thing that really rose was the number of creative excuses for not buying a house?.
• Headline: Board of Rabbis Names Executive. Impact: The appointment of Rabbi H H Gordon set off a chain reaction where every rabbi thereafter felt the need to have a cooler title, leading to the formation of the 'Chief Rabbi of Awesomeness' in certain circles.. Fact: Did you know that the title 'Executive Vice President' is just a fancy way of saying 'I have a lot of meetings and not much power'?.
• Headline: Navy Rocket Climbs 126 Miles Carrying Satellite Instruments; Equipment Functions Well as Test Simulates First Part of tht Trip to Orbit SATELLITE INSIDES SOAR IN A ROCKET Parachute Not Used. Impact: The success of the rocket test made everyone realize that launching things into space was far cooler than it sounded, leading to a future where kids would dream of becoming astronauts instead of accountants.. Fact: Did you know that the parachute not being used was just a way to save on costs? Nothing screams 'successful test' like a little risk-taking!.
• Headline: U.A.W. Gives Skilled Workers Special Rights for Bargaining; U.A.W. VOTES GAIN FOR SKILLED UNITS. Impact: The U.A.W. decision to grant special rights for skilled workers led to an eventual explosion of union-related puns and memes, turning every bar conversation into a riveting debate about labor rights.. Fact: Did you know that skilled workers were once just called 'people with jobs'? Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: Menzies Arrives in Tokyo. Impact: Menzies' visit to Tokyo led to an embarrassing misunderstanding about Australian rules football, which somehow ended up in a diplomatic incident involving a koala and a sushi chef.. Fact: Did you know that every time an Australian Prime Minister visits Japan, a sumo wrestler loses his balance? It's a scientific fact... or just a funny coincidence..
• Headline: AUTONOMY GIVEN A.B.C. RADIO UNIT; Move Said to Enable Greater Emphasis for Medium-- New President Named. Impact: The autonomy granted to the A.B.C. radio unit led to an era where radio shows became increasingly bizarre, culminating in the eventual existence of a talk show dedicated entirely to discussing the merits of soup.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'medium emphasis' is just code for 'we're not really sure what we’re doing'?.