MARCH 23, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: Glossary of Smoking Terminology. Impact: This glossary might have been the first step towards a whole new generation of hipsters who think smoking is cool because they read a glossary about it. Thanks for the lung cancer, guys!. Fact: Did you know smoking was once advertised as a way to improve your health? Because nothing says 'healthy lifestyle' like inhaling burning leaves..
• Headline: Bakers Investigate Aide Ethical Standards. Impact: This inquisitive movement could have led to a nationwide crisis—imagine bakers questioning the ethics of their dough kneaders. Next thing you know, we have a revolution over gluten-free versus gluten-full!. Fact: Did you know the only thing less ethical than a baker's aide is a 'helpful' friend who asks for free cookies? Spoiler: they're actually just testing your moral fiber..
• Headline: POPE EASES RULES FOR COMMUNION; Reduces Fast to 3 Hours --Bishops May Sanction Mass Every Afternoon. Impact: This decree likely led to an influx of afternoon masses, which in turn could have led to a boom in the coffee industry—after all, what's better than a little caffeine before you confess your sins?. Fact: Did you know that the original fasting rules were so strict that attending Mass could feel more like a marathon than a spiritual journey? Thank goodness for coffee breaks!.
• Headline: PROGRESS IN LIBERTY. Impact: The editorial on signs of gains in freedom may have sparked a liberating trend that led to an unexpected uptick in people's willingness to wear neon leg warmers in public. True freedom at its finest!. Fact: Did you know that 'liberty' was once a popular name for dogs? Just imagine all the pups running around with a sense of freedom and a leash..
• Headline: '3-RING DRIVE' SET BY JERSEY G.O.P.; Slate for Governor to Bow at One-Night Circus Stand With $100-a-Seat Top. Impact: The GOP's circus-themed campaign strategy might have inadvertently inspired future politicians to adopt more theatrical antics—because who doesn't want a clown running the country?. Fact: Did you know that political campaigns are like circuses? There's a lot of juggling, a few lions, and you just hope no one gets shot out of a cannon..
• Headline: FORMER U.S. JUDGE DIES; Johnson of Pennsylvania Was Acquitted in Conspiracy. Impact: The death of Judge Johnson could have sent ripples through the legal community, prompting discussions on judicial integrity and conspiracy theories that would be debated for decades to come.. Fact: Did you know that judges often have to make decisions that could change lives? Talk about a heavy gavel!.
• Headline: Squibb to Stay in Brooklyn. Impact: Squibb's decision to stay in Brooklyn may have prevented a mass exodus of pharmaceutical talent, thus keeping hipsters supplied with artisanal cough syrup and organic aspirin.. Fact: Did you know that Brooklyn has more coffee shops than pharmacies? Because what else would you need when your biggest problem is choosing between a macchiato and a cold brew?.