MARCH 2, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pig Iron Price Increase in 1957. Impact: The increase in pig iron prices led to a sudden surge in bacon consumption globally, resulting in an unprecedented bacon shortage in 2025. This ultimately fueled a black market for artisanal bacon, inadvertently giving rise to the hipster food truck movement.. Fact: In a world where pig iron prices dictate bacon trends, it's good to know that some things never change—like the human obsession with meat..
• Headline: Nixon's Visit to Tunisia: A New Alliance. Impact: Nixon's diplomatic charm offensive in Tunisia sparked a decades-long rivalry between pro-Western and anti-Western factions in Africa, indirectly giving birth to a new wave of obscure hip-hop artists who reference this event in their lyrics.. Fact: Tunisia is known for its beautiful beaches and ancient ruins, but let's not kid ourselves—politics has never been a beach party..
• Headline: Contracts Signed for Sale of St. Lawrence Power to Two Companies. Impact: The contracts for St. Lawrence Power led to an energy boom in the region, which, oddly enough, fueled a surge in high-tech coffee shops, eventually making caffeine the unofficial currency of hipster culture.. Fact: Signing contracts is like a handshake deal: it only counts if you look each other in the eye and nod solemnly while drinking overpriced lattes..
• Headline: Hanor for Borah Urged. Impact: Senator Church's push for Borah's Hall of Fame induction created a ripple effect that led to an increase in celebrity politicians, culminating in the 'Dancing with the Stars' of political endorsements.. Fact: Being in the Hall of Fame means you’re famous for being famous—just like that one friend who always seems to be at every party but never brings a decent snack..
• Headline: Dr. Rusk Named to Board. Impact: Dr. Rusk's appointment to the board coincidentally led to the creation of a secret committee that developed 'charm school' programs for politicians, which surprisingly did not improve their charisma levels—but did make for some awkward public appearances.. Fact: Being on a board sounds prestigious, but let's be honest—it's mostly just about attending meetings and pretending to care about budgets..
• Headline: Ives Names Press Secretary. Impact: Ives naming a press secretary marked the beginning of a new era where political communication became increasingly theatrical, eventually resulting in the first televised political drama series that was more popular than the actual elections.. Fact: A press secretary is like a political babysitter, ensuring the adults don’t say anything too embarrassing while still managing to look good on camera..
• Headline: Nixon Shakes Hands, Pats Babies, And Crowds in Morocco Love It; NIXON'S ARRIVAL A HIT IN MOROCCO Princess in Mrs. Nixon's Lap. Impact: Nixon's charm in Morocco sparked an international trend where politicians began to take 'meet and greet' to ridiculous levels, resulting in the first-ever 'Kiss the Baby' Olympics in 1982.. Fact: It's amazing how a handshake and a baby pat can make people forget about real issues—just think of it as political sleight of hand!.
• Headline: THOMAS RESIGNS AS HEAD OF NAVY; GATES GETS POST; Department Shake-Up Seen --Under Secretary is Due to Take Over April 1 Thomas Receives Praise Gets $2,000 Pay Rise THOMAS RESIGNS AS HEAD OF NAVY. Impact: Thomas resigning as head of the Navy triggered a series of promotions that ultimately led to a whole generation of naval officers who were more interested in TikTok dances than actual naval strategy.. Fact: Resigning from a position is a lot like breaking up with someone: it's awkward, a little sad, and someone always ends up unfollowing the other on social media..