FEBRUARY 20, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dulles on Premature Terms for China. Impact: Dulles' comments sparked a series of diplomatic blunders that led to the Great Snack Barricade of 1973, where nations fought over snacks instead of treaties. Who knew chips could destabilize global politics?. Fact: This was just a warm-up for Dulles' later career, where he mastered the art of saying 'no' to world leaders before they even asked.
• Headline: Army's Decision on Dog Sentry Corps. Impact: Dropping the dog sentry corps led to an unexpected rise in neighborhood cat vigilante groups that now patrol the streets, keeping human mischief in check. Fact: This was also the first step towards the 'Dogs vs. Cats' debate that has raged on the internet for decades—who knew a military decision could impact pet ownership trends?.
• Headline: Obstetricians Elect Officers. Impact: The election of obstetricians paved the way for a bizarre future where childbirth was treated like a political campaign, complete with slogans and debates over the best delivery methods. Fact: Dr. Bruckner later claimed he could deliver a baby faster than any politician could deliver a speech—though they often delivered hot air.
• Headline: Dulles Warns Egyptians Not to Slow Suez Work; Syria Also Admonished Dulles Warns Egypt on Delaying The Reopening of the Suez Canal Hopeful of Withdrawal Other Views Expressed. Impact: Dulles’ warning to Egypt about the Suez Canal led to an international game of geopolitical hot potato that lasted decades, with countries passing the blame like it was a game of dodgeball. Fact: Little did he know that in a few years, the Suez Canal would become the world's most popular vacation spot for diplomatic faux pas.
• Headline: OFFICER PREDICTS BATTLES IN SPACE; U.S. Superiority There May Hold the Key to National Safety, General Says. Impact: General Schriever's prediction about space warfare led to a strange future where space battles were treated like sporting events, complete with cheerleaders and scoreboards. Fact: This was the start of the annual 'Galactic Games,' where aliens and humans competed for the title of 'Supreme Space Champion'—still waiting on the Olympics to adopt this idea.
• Headline: CHINESE IS GUILTY IN PASSPORT PLOT; Civic Leader Here Convicted of Helping to Gain Illegal U.S. Entry for Aliens. Impact: The conviction of civic leader S Kee set off a chain reaction of passport fraud schemes that eventually led to the rise of the 'Passport Pirates,' who navigated the waters of bureaucracy like high seas adventurers. Fact: Kee later joked that if they had simply asked him for a passport, he could have drawn them one on a napkin—much easier than the paperwork involved.