FEBRUARY 13, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revolutionary Borazon Created by G.E.. Impact: The creation of borazon led to a future where diamonds are used primarily in industrial drills, leaving engagement rings to be made from recycled soda cans. Thanks, Dr. Wentorf!. Fact: Did you know that this new material is so hard that it could potentially be used to make the world's most durable coffee cup? Too bad it doesn’t brew coffee!.
• Headline: New Counsel for Senate Investigations Subcommittee. Impact: The appointment of D.F. O'Donnell as counsel was the first domino in a chain reaction that led to a never-ending cycle of Senate investigations, resulting in 'Council Fatigue Syndrome' among the populace.. Fact: Did you know that most Senate counsel appointments come with a complimentary headache? It's a perk of the job!.
• Headline: French Walkout During U.N. Algeria Debate. Impact: The French walkout at the U.N. sparked a trend of dramatic exits in political debates, making it a popular performance art form that would eventually inspire reality TV.. Fact: Did you know that the French have perfected the art of the walkout? It’s like a dramatic exit, but with more berets and baguettes!.
• Headline: COMMONS KILLS BID FOR FISCAL CENSURE. Impact: The defeat of the Labor party's censure motion meant that economic policies continued unchanged, leading to decades of economists shaking their heads in disbelief and wondering if anyone bothered to read the reports.. Fact: Did you know that censure motions are like the political equivalent of a sternly worded letter? Very effective in getting absolutely nothing done!.
• Headline: Painting Found in '55 to Open at Chicago Bidding at $10,000. Impact: The auction of the painting found in '55 set off a frenzied art collecting craze that resulted in the world’s most expensive collection of ‘meh’ art pieces, raising the bar for what constitutes 'valuable art'.. Fact: Did you know that the $10,000 price tag for this painting could buy you a lifetime supply of avocado toast? Priorities!.
• Headline: U. S. WOULD BACK ISRAELI OIL ROUTE; End of Egypt's Sea Monopoly Sought Along With Solving of Arab-Israeli Impasse. Impact: The U.S. support for the Israeli oil route changed the geopolitical landscape forever, leading to a future where maps became more tangled than a bowl of spaghetti.. Fact: Did you know that oil routes are like the adult version of playing make-believe? Who knew international relations could be so imaginative?.
• Headline: Namm-Loeser's to Close Store, Brooklyn Landmark Since 1886; Namm-Loeser's to Close Store; Brooklyn Landmark Since 1886. Impact: The closing of Namm-Loeser's marked the slow demise of brick-and-mortar stores, foreshadowing a future where online shopping becomes the main form of retail therapy.. Fact: Did you know that the store's closing sale was less about the economy and more about everyone discovering online shopping? The internet doesn't require a bag fee!.
• Headline: DELAY IS SOUGHT ON COURT REFORM; Judge Conway Tells State Hearing the Tweed Plan Requires Further Study. Impact: Judge Conway's call for further study on court reform led to a never-ending cycle of studies that generated more paper than a small rainforest could provide, all while accomplishing exactly nothing.. Fact: Did you know that 'further study' is legal jargon for 'let's kick the can down the road'? It’s a classic move!.
• Headline: 5.5% CUT SUGGESTED IN POTATO ACREAGE. Impact: The proposed potato acreage cut sparked a global potato crisis that led to the rise of a black market for French fries, proving once and for all that people will go to great lengths for their carbs.. Fact: Did you know that cutting potato acreage might just be the most controversial idea since someone suggested pineapple belongs on pizza? Tread carefully!.
• Headline: FLEMMING BACK AT POST; Returns to Duties as Head of Ohio Wesleyan. Impact: Flemming's return to Ohio Wesleyan was pivotal in establishing a new trend of 'returning leaders', which later inspired countless sitcoms featuring characters who just can't seem to stay away.. Fact: Did you know that sometimes leaders return just to see if anyone noticed they were gone? Spoiler alert: they didn’t!.