FEBRUARY 11, 1957

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mass Stranding of Blackfish in Florida Keys. Impact: The grounding of the Blackfish ignited a series of environmental awareness campaigns, leading to a global obsession with sea life conservation. Who knew 50 fish could inspire millions to put down the plastic straws?. Fact: Did you know that Blackfish isn't just a documentary? It's also a term for really disgruntled ocean dwellers who have had quite enough of humans' shenanigans.
• Headline: Thornton Set to Succeed Peterson in Defense. Impact: Thornton's ascension sparked a domino effect, inadvertently leading to a bizarre rivalry between civil defense leaders and Danish pastry chefs—who would have thought a bureaucrat could cause a pastry feud?. Fact: Fun fact: In Nebraska, being named an envoy to Denmark is basically the equivalent of winning the state lottery. Just with more pastries and less cash.
• Headline: DULLES TO APPEAL TO ISRAEL TODAY FOR WITHDRAWAL; Expected to Tell Envoy U. S. Cannot Help on Security Until U.N. Is Heeded SUEZ DELAY STIRS WORRY Ben-Gurion Reported to Have Added Freedom of Canal to Price of Compliance Hopes to Avoid Resolution Split on Canal Operation Barring of Tankers Seen DULLES TO APPEAL TO ISRAEL TODAY Eban Sees U.N. Chief Suez Freedom Also Sought. Impact: Dulles's appeal to Israel caused ripples that echoed through diplomatic corridors, eventually leading to a series of awkward UN meetings where everyone pretended to understand international relations. Fact: Did you know that the UN meetings are like family reunions? Everyone knows they have to go, but it’s mostly just people arguing over who gets the last slice of pie.
• Headline: CITY FIGHTS BILLS RAISING ITS COSTS; Mayor's Aide Asks Albany Leaders to Block Mandates for Additional Outlays. Impact: The city’s fight against rising costs inadvertently paved the way for a new genre of political comedy: 'The Municipal Misadventures', where politicians try (and fail) to budget as if they're running a lemonade stand. Fact: Did you know that city officials often budget like they're on a game show? 'And for your next challenge, can you survive without funds for street repairs?'.
• Headline: Random Notes From Washington: House Says Jest a Minute, Mr.D.; Bipartisan Party Asks Secretary Some Simple (Silly) Questions on Mideast-- Defense Team Has Utility Infielder Pentagonal Threat Man Timely Recollection Talks U.S. out of $3,696 Make This Staff Distaff Fair Trade. Impact: The House's silly inquiries about the Mideast led to the creation of the 'Committee of Silly Questions', which still meets annually to discuss the pressing questions of our time, like 'What if cats could talk?'. Fact: Did you know that the cost of inserting documents into the Congressional Record is basically just the government’s way of saying, 'Look, we’re really trying here!'?.
• Headline: DOCK TALKS FAIL; STRIKE TOMORROW IS SEEN BY UNION; I.L.A. and Shippers Disagree on Mediators' Plan to End East Coast Dispute INJUNCTION IS EXPIRING Industry Group Says It Made Concessions--New Meeting May Be Held Today Attitude of Committee Hold to Demands DOCK TALKS FAIL; WALKOUT IS SEEN Statement by Chopin. Impact: The dock talks' failure kickstarted a series of strikes that led to the invention of the 'Dramatic Negotiation Technique'—where parties slam doors and throw papers for effect. It’s like theater, but with more yelling. Fact: Did you know that strikes are just the workers' way of saying, 'We need a break, and maybe a vacation?' It's the ultimate work-life balance strategy.
• Headline: U.S. COMMUNISTS DECIDE TO REMAIN A POLITICAL PARTY; Foster, Dennis, Gates Join in Convention Vote--End to Factionalism Sought Compromise Offered Reporters Still Barred COMMUNISTS VOTE TO REMAIN PARTY Soviet Peace Plans Praised. Impact: The decision of U.S. communists to remain a party led to a series of 'Communist Comebacks' in pop culture, inspiring the creation of countless avant-garde art pieces that nobody really understands. Fact: Did you know that being a communist in the U.S. is like being a vegan in Texas? Lots of opinions, but not many patrons at the table.