DECEMBER 26, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Honoring a Dedicated Physician. Impact: This physician's honor sparked a global trend of doctors demanding awards for just showing up to work. Eventually, they led the charge for a Nobel Prize in 'Best Bedside Manner', which is now the most sought-after accolade in medicine. Fact: Despite being honored, this physician still had to deal with the same paperwork as everyone else. The real hero of healthcare is the administrative assistant.
• Headline: Soviet Economic Planning Shake-Up. Impact: Pervukhin’s appointment led to a chain reaction of economic decisions that resulted in a shortage of vodka in the 1980s, causing a massive underground market to flourish, ultimately leading to the rise of hipster distilleries in Brooklyn. Fact: Reorganizing a planning unit is just like cleaning your room: you shove everything into the closet and hope nobody asks questions.
• Headline: U.N. Aides Visit Egypt for Suez Salvage. Impact: The efforts of Cordier and Katzin inadvertently led to an international conspiracy theory about a secret Suez Canal treasure, spawning a treasure-hunting craze that resulted in the rise of amateur archaeologists everywhere, including your neighbor who thinks he can find gold with a metal detector. Fact: Two U.N. aides in Egypt? Sounds like the start of a bad sitcom where everyone miscommunicates and accidentally creates a peace treaty.
• Headline: NIXON URGES ALL IN U.S. TO EXPAND AID TO HUNGARIANS; Asks for Type of Personal Touch and Care That Government Cannot Give Quota Increase Implied Nixon Praises Hungarians NIXON URGES ALL TO AID REFUGEES. Impact: Nixon's plea for personal aid to Hungarians kickstarted a long-standing tradition of American citizens sending care packages that eventually led to a national obsession with ‘what’s in the box’ unboxing videos. Fact: Nixon asking for personal touch? You know things are serious when the government can’t even be trusted to send a decent care package.
• Headline: BRONX FATHER DIES IN REVOLVER MISHAP. Impact: This tragic mishap led to the implementation of stricter gun safety protocols, which somehow resulted in an entire generation of fathers being too scared to even hold a toy gun. Fact: A revolver mishap? Sounds like the plot twist in a soap opera where nobody really learns anything.
• Headline: NEW LINER LAUNCHED; Air-Conditioned Vessel Will Sail Tropical Routes. Impact: The launch of this air-conditioned liner was the beginning of a fierce competition among cruise lines that led to the eventual development of a floating water park, where people can now experience seasickness while riding a waterslide. Fact: Air conditioning on a ship? Finally, the ocean got an upgrade better suited for the tropical heat than your uncle’s basement.
• Headline: Minor Quake at Helena, Mont.. Impact: The minor quake in Helena was so underwhelming that it became the benchmark for future seismic events, leading to the creation of a 'shook-o-meter' that measures how much people really overreacted to natural disasters. Fact: A minor quake? That’s just Mother Nature’s way of reminding everyone to double-check their insurance policies.
• Headline: SLAYING OF BRITON IN EGYPT CONFIRMED. Impact: The confirmation of the Briton's slaying in Egypt intensified international tensions, leading to an entire genre of action movies based on the idea that foreign diplomats are basically modern-day spies. Fact: Nothing like a diplomatic incident to remind you that being an envoy is just as dangerous as being a superhero—without the spandex.