DECEMBER 14, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Permanent Voting Registration Approved in NYC. Impact: This decision to implement a permanent registration system for voting led to an unexpected increase in voter apathy, as people realized they could now easily ignore their civic duties for decades. By 2023, the phrase 'Permanent Registration' has become synonymous with 'I’ll get to it later… maybe never.'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more permanent than this registration is the feeling of guilt you get when you don’t vote?.
• Headline: New Skyscraper Announced for Rockefeller Center. Impact: The construction of this skyscraper not only reshaped the New York skyline but inadvertently caused a rise in neck injuries from tourists constantly looking up. By 2023, a new genre of hipster neck braces emerged, promoting 'Skyscraper Safety.'. Fact: Fun fact: Rockefeller Center is the only place where you can feel like an ant while simultaneously pretending you own a piece of the sky.
• Headline: Exile of Magloire and Haitian Celebrations. Impact: Magloire's exile sparked a series of events that eventually led to a global trend of politicians choosing tropical vacations over facing their responsibilities. Today, if you see a politician on a beach, it’s probably because they took notes from Magloire’s playbook. Fact: Did you know that Jamaica is now the unofficial retirement destination for exiled leaders? Just ask Magloire!.
• Headline: SENATE PANEL AIMS AT REDS IN UNESCO. Impact: The Senate's paranoid fixation on Reds in UNESCO led to a decade-long debate over the color of the organization's logo, causing a sudden surge in 'anti-communist' merchandise that was somehow all in shades of red. By 2023, fashion historians are still confused about the trend. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing scarier than the Senate’s hearings on communism is their fashion sense. Red was apparently the new black.
• Headline: PENTAGON FORMS NEW AIRLIFT UNIT; Big Agency to Take Over All Existing Transport Groups --Quarles to Be 'Manager' Order Sent Joint Chiefs PENTAGON FORMS NEW AIRLIFT UNIT Planes to Re Reassigned Navy to Keep Some Planes. Impact: The formation of a new airlift unit at the Pentagon caused a dramatic increase in the usage of the phrase 'just fly it over,' which later became the motto for lazy problem-solving in corporate America. By 2023, it’s now used in everything from marketing pitches to avoiding family gatherings. Fact: Did you know that this airlift unit was initially going to be called the 'Flying Circus' but was renamed for obvious reasons?.
• Headline: Educational TV Stations Given Free Use of N.B.C.'s Network; Educational TV Stations to Get Free Use of N.B.C.'s Network No Local Station Involved Networks Depend on U.N.. Impact: This generous offer of network access to educational TV stations led to a massive influx of people trying to learn the most obscure subjects, resulting in the rise of 'YouTube Scholars' who think they know everything about everything. By 2023, they dominate social media discussions. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing educational TV has taught us is that binge-watching can be an intellectual pursuit… or a form of procrastination.
• Headline: CHWASTOV CHILD GIVEN TO MOTHER; British Court Rules Against Father Who Tried to Take Baby to Soviet Union. Impact: The British court's decision not only brought Tanya back to her mother but also set a precedent for future custody battles, leading to a rise in dramatic courtroom scenes depicted in soap operas. By 2023, the phrase 'custody drama' is now a common TV trope. Fact: Did you know that Tanya's parents' relationship was so tumultuous that it was considered the inspiration for several reality TV shows?.
• Headline: Soviet Olympians Depart. Impact: The departure of Soviet Olympians from Los Angeles marked the beginning of a strange cultural exchange where athletes became pop culture icons, leading to the rise of competitive reality TV shows. By 2023, every athlete is now expected to have a TikTok account. Fact: Did you know that the real reason the Soviet Olympians left was to avoid a mandatory meet-and-greet with a famous Hollywood director? Talk about a plot twist!.