DECEMBER 11, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Doria Logs Saved by Officer-Cadet. Impact: Had the Doria logs been lost forever, historians might have mistakenly believed that the ship was a mythical creature, leading to a renaissance of mermaid sightings in the 1960s.. Fact: Log-keeping: the original way to avoid awkward conversations at parties..
• Headline: Increased Funding for Atomic Disease Research. Impact: The increased funding for atomic medicine led to a bizarre alternate timeline where radioactive superfoods became a dietary staple, resulting in an unexpected population of glow-in-the-dark humans.. Fact: Because nothing says progress like funding for diseases created by the very atoms we split..
• Headline: Raymond Heads Cigar Groups. Impact: Raymond's leadership in the cigar industry sparked a global trend of cigar-themed fashion, resulting in an era where everyone wore oversized cigar hats to parties.. Fact: Cigars: the original way to look important while simultaneously ruining your lungs..
• Headline: Police Extend Efforts To Recruit Candidates. Impact: The extended recruitment drive resulted in a bizarre twist where the police force became so diverse that they inadvertently solved crimes by holding impromptu dance-offs with criminals.. Fact: Because nothing says 'law enforcement' like a good recruiting drive and a dance party!.
• Headline: World Affairs Center Names First Director. Impact: The appointment of the first director led to a mysterious surge in diplomatic dinners, which eventually resulted in a worldwide shortage of hors d'oeuvres.. Fact: Ah, nothing brings world leaders together quite like a well-placed cheese platter..