DECEMBER 5, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.N. Assembly Votes on Hungary Resolution. Impact: This roll-call inadvertently sparked the creation of a secret society of diplomats who now meet annually to argue about Hungary while eating goulash. They believe it helps their negotiation skills. Spoiler: it doesn't. Fact: Did you know that the U.N. Assembly has more roll-calls than a kindergarten class? And just like in kindergarten, someone always forgets their name tag.
• Headline: Grand Opening of Salhaven Retirement Village. Impact: The creation of this retirement village led to an unexpected boom in the upholstery industry, as every retiree suddenly thought they could become the next big designer. Present-day reality TV shows are forever altered. Fact: Fun fact: This retirement spot is rumored to be the only place where you can find more recliners than people. Comfort is key, after all!.
• Headline: Clinton School Integration Prosecution Begins. Impact: The prosecution of these obstructionists created a ripple effect, leading to the establishment of 'How Not to Be a Bigot 101' classes in schools across the nation. Unfortunately, not all students attended. Fact: It’s fascinating how some people still think that segregation is a valid option. Spoiler: it’s not. History has a way of reminding us, though.
• Headline: $919,374 Paid in Tax Case. Impact: This massive tax payment inspired a new tax form named the 'I Wish I Hadn’t Done That' form, which is now filled out annually by millions who didn't manage their finances well. It’s a bestseller. Fact: Did you know that paying taxes is just like going to a buffet? You think you’re getting a deal until you realize you overdid it, and now you’re regretting every decision.
• Headline: U.S. SYMPATHETIC TO BRITAIN'S PLEA; Congress Will Be Requested to Change Its Terms to Waive Current Interest Canada Willing But Cool. Impact: This financial flexibility led to an era of confusing diplomatic dinners where countries served up interest rates instead of appetizers. Guests left hungry and bewildered. Fact: It's funny how countries can negotiate billions while the average person can’t even negotiate a discount on a used car.
• Headline: Excerpts From the Speeches in the United Nations Debate on the Hungarian Issue; Felixberto M. Serrano, Philippines Begum Ikramullah, Pakistan Gregoire Cassimatis, Greece Dr. Fadhil al-Jamali, Iraq Hans Engen, Norway Yugoslavia Dr. Mladen Ivekovic, Frederick H. Boland, Ireland Rak Panyarachun, Thailand Jaramillo Arrubia, Colombia Edmond Michelet, France M C. de Freitas-Valle, Brazil Sir Pierson Dixon, Britain Imre Horvath, Hungary Henry Cabot Lodge Jr., United States. Impact: These speeches inspired an international game of 'who can talk the longest without saying anything' that became a popular pastime, leading to the invention of the world's most boring board game. Fact: Fun fact: The UN debates are the only events where you can fall asleep sitting up and still be considered a participant.
• Headline: PROTESTANTS ACT TO HELP REFUGEES; Drive Begun for $2,000,000 in Behalf of Those Fleeing Hungary and Mideast Resolution on Refugees. Impact: The drive to help refugees sparked a movement that inadvertently led to the rise of the world's worst DIY home improvement shows, as volunteers attempted to renovate homes for incoming families. Fact: Did you know that helping refugees can sometimes look like an episode of a badly produced reality show? Spoiler alert: there’s always a dramatic twist.
• Headline: YUGOSLAV PLAINT ON NAGY REJECTED; Soviet and Puppet Hungarian Regime Spurn Demand for Ex-Premier's Return Hungary Repeats Story New Accord Reached. Impact: This rejection led to the creation of countless conspiracy theories about the whereabouts of ex-Premier Nagy, including one where he becomes a secret agent on a quest for world peace. Spoiler: he doesn’t. Fact: It’s amazing how political drama can sometimes feel more scripted than your average soap opera. Tune in next week for the shocking plot twist!.
• Headline: Upstate Bank Shut; 1.3 Million Missing; BANK IS CLOSED; 1.3 MILLION GONE Arraigned on U.S. Charge. Impact: The mystery of the missing 1.3 million turned into a local legend, inspiring a series of detective novels that all ended with 'it was the cat all along.'. Fact: Did you know that banks going missing money is basically the adult version of losing your homework? Except it’s a lot more serious, and no one gets a gold star.