NOVEMBER 18, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Old Church Welcomes Assistant Minister. Impact: This church decided to hire an assistant minister, which led to a massive uptick in Sunday potlucks. Eventually, this became a national phenomenon, resulting in an increase in stretchy pants sales across the U.S. Who knew divine intervention could come with a side of mashed potatoes?. Fact: In many places, churches have been known to do the exact opposite and hire more ministers just to have more people to argue with!.
• Headline: Salisbury Votes Against Dry Status. Impact: Salisbury's brave stand against taverns ignited the Great Package Store Uprising of 1957, which indirectly led to the invention of the drive-through liquor store. Truly, a victory for lazy drinkers everywhere!. Fact: Turns out, the dry vote was just a clever way to ensure everyone got home sober enough to remember where they left their keys!.
• Headline: Ocala's Rising Horse Farm Attractions. Impact: As horse farms gained popularity, a secret society of horse whisperers emerged, claiming they could communicate with horses about their existential crises. This led to a bizarre trend of therapy sessions for horses, which is definitely a thing now.. Fact: Ocala's horse farms are so fancy, even the horses have personal trainers. Gotta keep those equine physiques in shape for the next big race!.
• Headline: AUTOMOBILES: ECONOMY; Six-Barrel Carburetor, Ready Soon, Said To Lower Operating Costs Good in a Pinch, Too READYING THE CAR WINTER SAFEGUARD CONVENTION. Impact: The introduction of the six-barrel carburetor led to a wild race between manufacturers, culminating in a carburetor arms race that had auto enthusiasts fighting over who could rev louder at stoplights. Who knew fuel efficiency could start a ruckus?. Fact: Six barrels? Sounds like a party! Too bad the only thing they’re actually fueling is your mechanic's retirement plan..
• Headline: Snips, Snails, Puppydogs' Tails--And Lots of Red Pepper; Red Pepper, Lots of It. Impact: Lerman's article on children's literature sparked a bizarre trend where parents began naming their children after fictional 'bad' characters, resulting in a generation of kids named Snips and Snails. Therapy bills skyrocketed.. Fact: Red pepper in fiction? That's just code for 'I had a rough childhood and needed an excuse for my spicy personality'..
• Headline: FEW CABINET CHANGES EXPECTED AFTER JAN. 20; Speculation Mentions Secretaries Wilson, Dulles and Humphrey Only 3 Replacements Retirement Hints Benson's Endurance. Impact: The expectation of few cabinet changes set off a chain reaction of speculation that eventually led to an entire industry dedicated to making political predictions. Now we have entire channels dedicated to discussing which Cabinet member might trip over their own shoes next!. Fact: Political speculation is so common, it’s practically a sport. Bet you didn’t know ‘Dulles Watch’ was a thing long before reality TV!.
• Headline: SCIENCE IN REVIEW; Ultrasonics, Once a Laboratory Curiosity, Now Basis of Rapidly Expanding Industry Useful Curiosities. Impact: The rise of ultrasonics paved the way for bizarre inventions like ultrasonic dog whistles and even ultrasonic ‘spa treatments’ for humans. Because who doesn’t want to feel like a dog for a day?. Fact: Ultrasonics were initially thought to be a fad, like bell-bottoms. Turns out they were just new ways to make annoying sounds at high frequencies!.
• Headline: War or Peace--What Are the Changes?; An observer suggests that the fragmented state of the world is conducive to little wars, and evoluates the factors working for and against a big one. War or Peace-- The Chances. Impact: The discussion on world peace versus war became a hot topic, leading to countless coffee shop debates, conspiracy theories, and the invention of the 'peace sign' emoji. Because nothing says 'I’m serious about peace' like a cute little icon!. Fact: The fragmented state of the world led to more little wars, which meant more reality TV shows. Thanks, world conflict, for giving us ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’!.
• Headline: In T.R.'s Own Words. Impact: Roosevelt's call to service inspired generations of citizens, leading to the proliferation of motivational posters and cheesy slogans. Clearly, 'You can do it!' was the real takeaway!. Fact: Roosevelt’s words were so powerful that they’re now used to sell everything from insurance to breakfast cereals. Who knew democracy could be this tasty?.