SEPTEMBER 24, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nixon's Concerns Over Midwest Hog Prices. Impact: Had Nixon not worried about hog prices, the Midwest's bacon supply might have plummeted, leading to an underground bacon black market that would have spurred a culinary revolution, resulting in bacon-themed political campaigns in the 1980s. Fact: Nixon's biggest worry was actually about his approval ratings, but hog prices were a close second. Because, you know, bacon is vital to democracy.
• Headline: Nehru's Critique of Nasser's Actions. Impact: Nehru's critique of Nasser set off a chain reaction that inspired future leaders to critique each other via social media, ultimately leading to Twitter wars and hashtags like #CanalConflict. Fact: Nehru was known for his eloquent speeches. It’s a shame social media didn’t exist back then; he would’ve totally owned the hashtag game.
• Headline: Chicago Rail Strike Averted in 1956. Impact: The rail strike postponement led to an unforeseen surge in people learning to walk or bike, thus kickstarting a movement towards healthier lifestyles and the eventual rise of hipster coffee shops in Chicago. Fact: Union negotiations were such a thrill that even the pigeons outside decided to take a break and watch. I hear they started a union too.
• Headline: Meany Urges 'Fair' Campaign. Impact: Meany's call for a 'fair' campaign inadvertently led to the creation of political campaign rules that no one would ever follow, resulting in the constant circus we have today. Fact: Meany’s idea of a 'fair' campaign was about as realistic as a unicorn in Congress—nice thought, but let’s not kid ourselves.
• Headline: NEHRU CONDEMNS RELIGIOUS STRIFE; He Appeals for Hindu-Moslem Amity as Antagonisms Threaten a Flare-Up. Impact: Nehru's appeal for peace amidst religious strife ironically fueled the emergence of countless peace organizations, many of which still operate today, and occasionally hold bake sales. Fact: Nehru’s peace talks were so intense that even the cookies at his meetings seemed to resolve conflicts. Nothing calms tensions like a good chocolate chip.
• Headline: MISS ELLEN LINEN BECOMES A BRIDE; Daughter of Time Publisher Married to Nathan Mobley Jr., a Senior at Yale. Impact: Ellen Linen's wedding created a ripple effect in the publishing world, where people suddenly believed that marrying a Yale student would yield literary genius, resulting in a slew of unqualified authors. Fact: Ellen's wedding was a reminder that if you can’t publish a bestseller, at least you can publish your marriage announcement. It’s all about priorities!.
• Headline: CORNERSTONE IS LAID FOR LUTHERAN HOUSE. Impact: The laying of the cornerstone for the Lutheran House marked the beginning of many such ceremonies, leading to an unintentional trend where every community center lays a cornerstone, followed by endless potlucks. Fact: Cornerstone ceremonies are the original groundbreakers—at least the ones with better snacks. Who doesn’t want a free meal while pretending to care about masonry?.