SEPTEMBER 16, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rise of Toy Industry Marketing Strategies. Impact: The rise of the toy industry led to an unprecedented spike in childlike wonder, which subsequently resulted in more adults embracing their inner children, thus creating a global community of people who refuse to grow up. Thanks, toys!. Fact: If advertising for toys had been this big in the 1800s, we might have had a society full of people believing that colored marbles were the pinnacle of entertainment..
• Headline: H Ward Triumphs in National Amateur. Impact: Every time a sports headline gets published, a million barstool debates begin. This particular piece led to the formation of the first-ever 'Sport Debaters Anonymous' group, where people can argue about stats instead of seeking therapy.. Fact: Did you know that arguing about sports is proven to be 67% less effective than actually playing a sport?.
• Headline: Export Bank Reports Fiscal Year Loans. Impact: This report set off a chain reaction that led Congress to believe they could just loan money without any real plan. This eventually inspired countless sitcoms about broke politicians trying to balance their budgets with comedy.. Fact: Congressional budgets are like diets: everyone agrees they're necessary, but nobody really sticks to them..
• Headline: JERSEY FIRM TO EXPAND; Regina Corp. Plans a New Plant in Rahway. Impact: Regina Corp's expansion plans inspired every small business owner to believe they, too, could take over the world. Spoiler: most end up with a coffee shop nobody visits.. Fact: Expansion plans often include a detailed analysis of how many more coffee mugs you can fit in your already overcrowded office..
• Headline: Soviet Charges West Plans Aggression to Seize Suez; French Pilot Leaves Suez, and Egyptians Take Over SOVIET SAYS WEST WOULD SEIZE SUEZ Violations Laid to British. Impact: The Soviet Union's accusations of Western aggression led to a series of increasingly ridiculous Cold War spy novels, where everyone was a secret agent and no one was a good writer.. Fact: The only thing colder than the Cold War was the ice cream served at Soviet diplomatic functions..
• Headline: POSSIBLE MARKETS SEEN IN AUSTRALIA. Impact: The exploration of Australian markets opened the floodgates for international marketing strategies, which eventually resulted in the birth of the 'Aussie Accent' being used in every commercial from shampoo to socks.. Fact: Australians actually prefer their goods without an accent. So much for marketing genius!.
• Headline: SOCIALISM FACES A TEST IN SWEDEN; Nation Picks New Parliament Today--Housing Shortage Seen as Hurting Regime. Impact: Socialism's struggle in Sweden became a case study for every political science student, leading to countless hours of debates and zero resolutions. Thanks for nothing, housing shortages!. Fact: In Sweden, the only thing more polarizing than politics is the debate over whether to put meatballs in the sauce or not..
• Headline: EDUCATION NEWS; Varied Activity on the Campus And in the Classrooms FULBRIGHT--Austria SCHOOLS--Exhibit PITTSBURGH--New Plan SARAH LAWRENCE--Gifts NEW SCHOOL--Civil Rights POLYTECHNIC--Personnel TEACHERS COLLEGE SOUTH--Fellowships CENTERNARY--Women COLLEGES--Survey EDUCATION--In Brief. Impact: The flurry of activity in education led to the rapid production of educational jargon, which now fills textbooks and confuses students more than ever. The education system thanks you for the headache!. Fact: Every time someone invents a new educational term, a student somewhere cries. It's a global phenomenon..