SEPTEMBER 3, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Judge Questions G.E. Employee Discounts. Impact: This little courtroom tussle led to GE employees suddenly feeling they were in a secret society with exclusive discounts. This later inspired the entire concept of 'employee perks' which eventually spiraled into the bizarre world of corporate wellness retreats and mandatory yoga classes. Thanks, Judge Van Dusen!. Fact: Did you know that the idea of staff discounts was originally to boost morale? Now it just makes employees feel guilty for not using their discounts on overpriced coffee mugs..
• Headline: Revise Laws for Foreign Affairs. Impact: This moment birthed a thousand diplomatic dinners where politicians would awkwardly discuss 'strange gates' while trying to figure out who would pay for the next round of appetizers. Spoiler alert: it was always the taxpayers.. Fact: Fun fact: Politicians discussing 'valuable additions' is just code for 'let's build a bridge and then argue about whose name gets on the plaque.'.
• Headline: Rev. Baker's Bold Condemnation. Impact: This preacher's condemnation opened Pandora's box of divine debates, leading to centuries of people arguing about who really has the divine hotline. In the end, everyone started just texting their complaints to the universe.. Fact: Did you know that being called arrogant by a preacher is basically the equivalent of getting a gold star in humility? Congratulations, sir!.
• Headline: 'DIVIDED HEART' CITED; British Film Gets Selznick Golden Laurel Award. Impact: Winning this award made 'Divided Heart' the OG of melodramatic films, influencing countless soap operas and rom-coms. It's said that every time someone cries over a love triangle, Sir Laurence Olivier rolls in his grave.. Fact: Did you know that the award looks like a fancy paperweight? Irony is not lost on us when awards are often more about the glitz than the actual talent..
• Headline: ANTON J. CARLSON, PHYSIOLOGIST, DIES; Professor at U. of Chicago Was Expert on Problems of Aging, Food and Alcohol Figured in Controversies Fought for Vivisection First Taste of Fame. Impact: Carlson's work on aging and food sparked debates that led to future generations questioning everything from diet fads to the ethics of animal testing. His legacy? A world where we still can't decide if gluten is our enemy or not.. Fact: Anton Carlson was a champion of vivisection, which is just a fancy way of saying he studied living organisms. Who knew that could lead to such a controversial career?.
• Headline: PEIPING REJECTS DAMAGE CLAIMS BY U.S. FOR PLANE; Calls Attack on Patrol Craft in Nationalist War Zone 'Entirely Justified' U.S. Statement Recalled PEIPING REJECTS U.S. BID ON PLANE. Impact: This rejection marked the beginning of a long and gloriously complicated relationship between the U.S. and China, paving the way for years of diplomatic barbs and the occasional trade war. Great job, Peiping!. Fact: Did you know that diplomacy often feels like two toddlers fighting over a toy? Spoiler: it rarely ends well and everyone ends up crying..
• Headline: Silk Couldn't Lick Synthetics, So It Joined Them, and Thrives; The Ancient Art of Japanese Silk Making Merges With Modern Technology. Impact: Silk's fusion with synthetics led to the rise of fashionable yet functional clothing, which eventually culminated in athleisure. Now we can look stylish while we binge-watch reality TV. Thanks, silk!. Fact: Did you know that silk once had a reputation for being fancy? Now it just plays second fiddle to stretchy pants and hoodies at brunch..
• Headline: M. B. CANDLER, 58, A LAWYER HERE; Partner in Firm, Active as Episcopalian, Dies--Was Trustee of Cathedral. Impact: Candler's passing prompted a reevaluation of local legal practices, leading to a bizarre competition among lawyers to win 'most pious' award, which no one ever really wanted but everyone secretly aspired to.. Fact: Did you know that being a trustee of a cathedral basically means you have a lot of responsibilities and an excellent seat for Sunday services? Talk about a win-win!.