AUGUST 25, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tribute to Financier Hamilton Pell. Impact: Hamilton Pell's death set off a series of events that led to the rise of questionable financial practices in brokerage firms, ultimately resulting in the 2008 financial crisis. Who knew a guy with a penchant for vitamins could cause that much chaos?. Fact: Did you know that Pell was actually trying to create a vitamin that could replace sleep? Spoiler alert: it didn't work.
• Headline: Louisiana Legislature's Race Debate in Sports. Impact: The Louisiana Legislature's decision to study race curb in sports inadvertently inspired a future generation of athletes to become social activists, leading to more memes than actual policy changes. Thanks, politics!. Fact: The only thing longer than this special session is a Louisiana summer day. Seriously, it’s like watching paint dry.
• Headline: Soviet Critique of Stevenson in 1956. Impact: The Soviet magazine's claim about Stevenson being backed by tycoons led to a heightened paranoia about capitalism in Eastern Europe, resulting in more conspiracy theories than you can shake a stick at. Fact: Fun fact: Back in the day, a 'tycoon' was actually just a kid who stole lunch money—so maybe they weren’t too far off.
• Headline: Service Men's Voting Week Set. Impact: Service Men's Voting Week made it so that future generations of voters were more aware of their civic duties, resulting in more heated debates about 'which ballot should I ignore this time?'. Fact: Did you know that service members were once told to vote while overseas, but all they really wanted was a decent cup of coffee? Priorities!.
• Headline: PAKISTAN AND AFGHANISTAN. Impact: Mirza's visit to Zahir Shah might have eased tensions, but it also created the perfect storm for future diplomatic disasters. Just imagine a butterfly flapping its wings and accidentally causing a civil war. Fact: Fun fact: Tensions are like bad sitcoms—they keep coming back even when everyone wishes they wouldn't.
• Headline: STATE GAINS MORE FROM BACK TAXES; 2 Bureaus Raise Collections From Delinquents 113% Above 2 Years Ago Sees $20,000,000 Loss. Impact: The state’s gain from back taxes sparked a nationwide trend in tax collection that made accountants the new rock stars of the business world. Who knew being delinquent could lead to such fame?. Fact: Did you know that collecting back taxes is the adult version of finding loose change in your couch? Except, you know, less exciting.
• Headline: Medical Students Set Record. Impact: The record enrollment of medical students foreshadowed the future of the healthcare industry, where every Tom, Dick, and Harry would claim to be a doctor thanks to the internet. Fact: Did you know that most medical students don't actually sleep during their studies? They just power through on caffeine and denial.
• Headline: PRIEST TELLS OF CHINA; Says 'Reform Committees' of Reds Take Over Churches. Impact: The priest's testimony about reform committees taking over churches led to a wave of skepticism towards organized religion, ultimately resulting in more hipster coffee shops than actual congregations. Fact: Fun fact: Reform committees are not the same as reform schools, though both can be equally terrifying.
• Headline: S.E.C. INVESTIGATING STOCK SELLING HERE. Impact: The S.E.C.'s investigation into stock selling led to a ripple effect of regulatory reforms that made it harder for shady dealers to operate, but ironically also made it harder for honest dealers to get a decent lunch break. Fact: Did you know that high-pressure selling was once considered a sport? The Olympics had to step in when it got too competitive.