JULY 28, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Congress Adjourns After Foreign Aid Approval. Impact: In a shocking turn of events, Congress's decision to adjourn after approving foreign aid caused a series of unfortunate events that eventually led to a cat video becoming the most-watched content on the internet. Who knew that a little foreign aid could make way for endless hours of procrastination?. Fact: Did you know that Congress has a habit of approving things at the last minute? It’s like they’re living in a perpetual state of procrastination, waiting for the deadline to kick in!.
• Headline: Eisenhower's Gettysburg Farm Visit. Impact: Eisenhower's swim at Gettysburg launched an unexpected trend of presidential physical fitness that spiraled into the modern obsession with selfies at the gym. Who knew swimming could lead to Instagram influencers?. Fact: Did you know that before his ileitis operation, Eisenhower was practically Michael Phelps? If only he had a swimsuit endorsement deal!.
• Headline: Economic Factors in Defense Cuts. Impact: This headline about diplomacy and defense economy set off a chain reaction leading to the birth of several conspiracy theories regarding the true nature of national security, eventually resulting in a reality TV show about secret bunker building.. Fact: Did you know that the logic of defense can sometimes be as clear as mud? Just ask any politician trying to explain a budget cut!.
• Headline: BOSTON SYMPHONY PLAYS A TRIBUTE; Concerto by Petrassi, for the Orchestra's 75th Year. Heard at Tanglewood. Impact: The Boston Symphony's tribute concert led to an unexpected surge in classical music appreciation among hipsters, resulting in a bizarre trend of 'Beethoven and Brews' festivals across the country.. Fact: Did you know that classical music is the original chill-out music? It's like the soundtrack for your existential crisis!.
• Headline: POPULATION DROP ALARMS THE IRISH; Loss of 65,771 in 5 Years is Attributed Chiefly to Emigration to Britain. Impact: The alarming population drop in Ireland led to a mass exodus of people moving to the U.S. in search of prosperity, resulting in the emergence of a new Irish pub on every corner from Boston to San Francisco.. Fact: Did you know that emigration has a way of turning into a cultural export? If only the Irish could have exported their weather too!.
• Headline: ICEBOX BILL APPROVED; House Votes Plan to Save Children From Suffocation. Impact: The Icebox Bill's passage inadvertently led to a spike in refrigerator designs that included Wi-Fi connectivity, making it possible for your fridge to judge your midnight snack choices.. Fact: Did you know that refrigerators have come a long way since the days of suffocation concerns? Now they just silently judge you for eating that leftover pizza!.