JULY 22, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exciting Day in Sports: July 1956. Impact: The obsession with sports news led to the creation of fantasy leagues, where people would analyze player stats instead of engaging with the real world. Thanks to this, we now have an entire generation of adults who can recite batting averages but struggle to find the kitchen.. Fact: Did you know that golf was originally played with a stick and a ball? Thank goodness we’ve come a long way since then, or else we'd still be arguing over which tree to use for a tee..
• Headline: Ship-Wrecked Friend's Discovery. Impact: Manjiro's discovery of America led to the eventual rise of sushi in the United States. This pivotal moment in history caused countless Americans to forget how to pronounce 'sashimi' correctly.. Fact: Fun fact: Manjiro was so good at navigating that he probably could have found a Starbucks in the 1850s, even before they existed!.
• Headline: Restoration of Cicero's Tomb Begins. Impact: The eviction of farmers' donkeys from Cicero's tomb sparked an international debate about animal rights and historical preservation, leading to a future where donkeys are the primary consultants for archaeological projects. Who knew they had such insight?. Fact: The Romans took their tombs very seriously—so seriously, in fact, that they probably would have been appalled by today's Instagram influencers taking selfies in ancient cemeteries..
• Headline: Cocktails Kill 17 Colombians. Impact: The cocktail incident in Colombia led to stricter regulations on alcohol, which eventually resulted in the birth of the mocktail movement. Now, everyone can pretend to drink like an adult while still avoiding the consequences.. Fact: Did you know that in some cultures, people drink alcohol to celebrate; in others, they drink it to forget? Guess which one was more popular in Tamalameque that day..
• Headline: Dark Pearl. Impact: The release of 'All the Kingdoms of Earth' led to an unexpected boom in fantasy literature, inspiring countless writers to create elaborate worlds where the most ridiculous things could happen—and still be more believable than our current political climate.. Fact: The title 'Dark Pearl' sounds much more poetic than it is. In reality, it probably refers to a forgotten sock under your bed that you’re too scared to retrieve..
• Headline: Peterson Exercises Wide Alert Power; PETERSON GIVEN 'POWERS' IN TEST. Impact: Peterson's newfound powers in Italy led to a series of increasingly bizarre political decisions, ultimately resulting in the modern Italian government becoming a case study in what not to do when given authority.. Fact: Power is intoxicating—just ask any politician who has ever been given 'temporary' powers. They might as well be handed a scepter and a crown!.
• Headline: LUKE M. WHITE JR., LIBRARIAN, DEAD; Author of Work on Herbert and American Publishing, 46, Was Plainfield Director. Impact: The death of librarian Luke M. White Jr. sparked a renewed interest in library sciences, leading to the eventual rise of hipster libraries where people pay to read books that were once free. Thanks, Luke!. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, librarians are like the ninjas of the knowledge world—quiet, stealthy, and full of wisdom, but also ready to shush you at a moment's notice!.
• Headline: LIMA STATUES ADORNED; City Officials Are Annoyed Over Anti-Nudity Campaign. Impact: The anti-nudity campaign in Lima led to a global movement for body positivity, inadvertently making nudity more popular in art, fashion, and social media. Who knew a statue could start a revolution?. Fact: Lima's statue controversy reminds us that some people are still more offended by a statue's nakedness than by actual human behavior. Priorities, right?.