MAY 13, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Stamp News: Fipex and Vatican Honors. Impact: The Vatican's salute to the Swiss Guards caused an ancient rivalry with the Swiss Army, which ultimately led to a centuries-long competition over who could sport the most colorful uniforms. Spoiler: the Swiss Guards won.. Fact: Did you know that the Swiss Guards were originally hired to protect popes because they looked so dashing? Because nothing says 'safety' like a bunch of guys in Renaissance-era costumes!.
• Headline: Scholarships Awarded on Campus. Impact: The $85,000 in scholarships sparked a trend where students began crafting elaborate backstories about their scholarships, leading to a future where every college application resembled a soap opera script.. Fact: Did you know that $85,000 is the price of a small car? So essentially, students were just awarded their own personal 'scholarship-mobile' minus the wheels..
• Headline: C.H. Palmer's Generosity to Post College. Impact: C.H. Palmer's generous gift to Post College inadvertently established a tradition of donors expecting their names to be engraved on everything from lab equipment to cafeteria trays, leading to a future where students eat off 'Palmer Platters'.. Fact: Did you know that for every $5,000 donation, there's at least one lab experiment that goes horribly wrong? Cheers to education funding!.
• Headline: BRAZIL COOL TO IDEA OF VISIT BY MIKOYAN. Impact: Brazil's cool reception to Deputy Premier Mikoyan’s visit led to a series of awkward diplomatic encounters, which ultimately made international trade negotiations feel like asking your crush out at a middle school dance.. Fact: Did you know that 'cool' in diplomatic terms usually means 'we're not interested'? In Brazil, it’s just an artful way of saying 'no thanks, we’re busy sipping caipirinhas.'.
• Headline: HOLLYWOOD CANVAS; IN MEXICO AND NEW YORK. Impact: MGM's cinematic retelling of J. Perón's overthrow inspired a trend in Hollywood where every historical event was turned into a blockbuster, leading to a world where even the fall of the Berlin Wall was just another summer action flick.. Fact: Did you know that filming movies about political upheaval is Hollywood's way of saying, 'We promise, this is totally educational!'? Spoiler alert: it usually isn’t..
• Headline: SOUTH'S HOPES RAISED BY JOHNSON'S VICTORY; Choice of Senate Majority Leader As Favorite Son a Step Toward Acceptable Ticket, Platform BUT FEARS of SPLIT REMAIN. Impact: Johnson's victory and the fear of a split ticket set the stage for political drama that would eventually lead to political strategists doubling down on the 'favorite son' trope, ultimately resulting in every candidate being their mother's favorite.. Fact: Did you know that 'favorite son' is just a fancy way of saying, 'the one who brings home the most votes'? Because we all know it’s not about family pride, it’s about electoral pride..
• Headline: 131,091 Deer Killed in Oregon. Impact: The record of 131,091 deer killed in Oregon prompted a decade-long debate about population control that ultimately led to a reality show where hunters become the stars, proving once and for all that you can make anything entertaining.. Fact: Did you know that deer hunting is the only sport where you can legally bring home dinner? Just don't tell those PETA folks!.
• Headline: Writ Restores Lacey As Teamster Leader; LACEY RESTORED TO TEAMSTER JOB. Impact: Lacey's restoration to the Teamster leadership set off a chain reaction of political maneuvering that eventually led to an entire genre of reality TV based on union politics, proving that no drama is too small for the screen.. Fact: Did you know that being a Teamster leader is basically like being the captain of a very intense, very dramatic ship? Just with more paperwork and fewer pirates..
• Headline: AID FUND HALT URGED; Ellender Asks a Full Study Before New Spending. Impact: Ellender's call for a halt on new aid funding led to endless debates about government spending that would eventually evolve into a national pastime, rivaling even baseball for the title of 'most boring way to pass the time.'. Fact: Did you know that asking for a full study before new spending in politics is akin to asking a toddler to finish their vegetables? It’s going to take a lot longer than anyone expected..