MARCH 28, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mikoyan's Take on Stalinist Unrest. Impact: Mikoyan’s admission opened the floodgates to a wave of honesty in politics—just kidding! It fueled decades of speculation about the legitimacy of political regimes, leading to the rise of conspiracy theorists who believe every world leader is a lizard person.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more unstable than Stalinist unrest is a cat on a hot tin roof? Just ask Mikoyan!.
• Headline: Truman Declares No Presidential Bid Again. Impact: Truman's adamant refusal to run again inspired countless politicians to realize that stepping down might be an option. This led to a never-ending cycle of politicians trying to outdo each other in terms of how long they can avoid a third term. Thanks, Harry!. Fact: Did you know that '30 years is enough' is still a popular slogan at family gatherings when Uncle Jerry starts ranting about politics?.
• Headline: SENATORS REJECT ELECTION CHANGE; Chamber Defeats 5 Attempts to Revise Present Way of Choosing President Langer Proposal Beaten SENATORS REJECT ELECTION CHANGE. Impact: Senators rejecting amendments led to a tradition of political stagnation that continues to this day. It’s like they’re all stuck in a never-ending game of 'hot potato' with no one wanting to take a risk.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more difficult than changing the way we elect a president is teaching a cat to use the toilet? Both are equally improbable!.
• Headline: RADICAL VIEWS LAID TO EX-COLLEGE HEAD. Impact: The radical views of ex-college heads paved the way for future college professors who thought they could change the world, leading to the rise of many a confused student trying to decipher ‘revolutionary change’ on their midterm exams.. Fact: Did you know that the most radical thing you can do on a college campus is suggest that students should actually attend class?.
• Headline: Bill Backs TV in the House. Impact: This bill to televise House sessions led to the ultimate reality show: 'Congress: The Boring Edition,' where every episode features the same cast arguing over the same issues for hours on end.. Fact: Did you know that watching paint dry is statistically more exciting than watching Congress debate on television? And yet, here we are..
• Headline: LIBYA CHANGES CABINET; Mustafa Halim Still Premier and Foreign Minister. Impact: Libya's cabinet change was just the start of an era where political reshuffling became as common as changing socks, leading to a dizzying array of leaders who couldn’t agree on what day it was.. Fact: Did you know that cabinet changes in politics often require more paperwork than your average tax return? Talk about a real nightmare!.