JANUARY 31, 1956

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kubitschek Establishes New Brazil Cabinet. Impact: Nixon's attendance at the inaugural led to an increase in political scandals, which in turn prompted the invention of the 'Nixon Mask,' a popular Halloween costume that continues to haunt the nightmares of political science students.. Fact: Fun fact: the only cabinet filled faster than Kubitschek's was the average American household's junk drawer..
• Headline: Surviving the Alaska Plane Crash. Impact: The survival of those four individuals sparked a worldwide trend in reality TV survival shows, culminating in the 2024 hit series 'Survivor: Alaska Wreck Edition'.. Fact: Did you know that in Alaska, the phrase 'we're going to the hospital' typically translates to 'we survived a plane crash, so we’re basically experts now'?.
• Headline: BRITISH MAY BLOCK THE ATHENS RADIO; Proposal to Jam Broadcasts 'Inciting' Cyprus Rebels Stirs London Dispute British Explain Jamming BRITISH MAY JAM RADIO OF GREECE U.N. Resolution Cited Makarios Opens Talk. Impact: The British jamming of Athens radio set a precedent for future governments to silence dissent, creating a ripple effect that led to the invention of noise-canceling headphones for anyone wishing to tune out the world.. Fact: Did you know that the British government has jamming technology that is more effective than their ability to brew a proper cup of tea?.
• Headline: PROOF OFPERED ON ANTI-PROTON; California Physicist Outlines a Meeting Here Evidence of Universe's 'Missing Link'. Impact: The discovery of anti-proton evidence led to a series of debates about the existence of parallel universes, resulting in a popular conspiracy theory that your other self is way better at adulting than you are.. Fact: Did you know that physicists have more theories about the universe's missing link than most people have about their missing socks?.
• Headline: 5 Get Life in Hold-Up Killing. Impact: The sentencing of five youths for a robbery gone wrong somehow initiated a trend of increasingly ridiculous heists, culminating in the infamous 'Robbery of the Century' where thieves stole nothing but a single pizza.. Fact: Did you know that you can get a life sentence for stealing less than a nickel? Maybe they should’ve just asked for change instead..
• Headline: RAILROADS GET INCREASE; I.C.C. Grants 15% Rise on Refrigeration Services. Impact: The increase in railroad rates for refrigeration services led to a national shortage of ice cream, which sparked a nationwide protest dubbed the 'Great Ice Cream Uprising' of 2025.. Fact: Did you know that 'reefer' was originally just a term for refrigerated train cars? Now it means something quite different in 2023..
• Headline: Brooklyn Banker Gets Medal. Impact: The banker receiving a medal resulted in a series of increasingly absurd awards ceremonies, leading to the establishment of the 'World's Most Average Banker Award' in 2030.. Fact: Did you know that bankers are the only people who can receive awards while simultaneously being the butt of every economic joke?.
• Headline: MAYOR ASKS HELP IN STATE AID FIGHT; He Urges People of City to Write to Albany Demanding That His Requests Be Met Favors 18 as Voting Age. Impact: The mayor's plea for state aid ignited a series of bureaucratic battles that would one day inspire a reality show about city politicians called 'Aid Me If You Can'.. Fact: Did you know that asking for state aid is basically like asking your wealthy friend for a loan—awkward and usually ends in resentment?.
• Headline: RACE FIGHT FLARES AT CONCERT IN SOUTH. Impact: The race fight at the concert led to a series of protests that ignited changes in civil rights laws, proving that sometimes it takes a concert to rock the boat of justice.. Fact: Did you know that playing music on a private course is illegal only if you aren’t the one who owns the course? Now there's a catchy song in that somewhere..