DECEMBER 21, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Public Ownership Plan for Transit Discussed. Impact: The PUC's search for bankers to create a public transit system led to the eventual rise of the 'Transit Unicorn' – a mythical creature that promised to solve all public transport woes with a sprinkle of glitter and a dash of optimism. Fact: Did you know that public ownership of transit systems has been a long-standing debate? It's kind of like arguing over whether pineapple belongs on pizza – everyone has an opinion and no one can agree!.
• Headline: Dulles Proposes Increase in Foreign Aid. Impact: Dulles' decision to increase the foreign aid fund is like tossing a pebble into a pond. Each ripple represents a new diplomatic crisis or a country mysteriously disappearing from the map. Talk about unintended consequences!. Fact: Fun fact: the military budget has expanded so much over the years that if you stacked all the dollar bills, they would reach the moon – and back! But don't worry, we’d make sure to send the astronauts in style.
• Headline: BRITISH CABINET SHARPLY REVISED; Macmillan Treasury Head, Lloyd Foreign Secretary -Butler to Plan Policy. Impact: The reshuffling of the British Cabinet in 1950 was like playing musical chairs, but with more tweed jackets and less music. The result? A generation of politicians pretending they knew what they were doing while secretly Googling 'how to run a country.'. Fact: Did you know that being made a baron is a great way to ensure you never have to run for office again? Just sit back, enjoy your title, and let others deal with the mess!.
• Headline: CARDIFF RECOGNIZED; British Government Decides It Is Capital of Wales. Impact: Cardiff being recognized as the capital of Wales led to a series of events that would make all the Welsh dragons come out of hiding, demanding representation in Parliament. Because, you know, dragons have rights too!. Fact: Did you know that Cardiff's claim to fame includes being home to a Doctor Who exhibit? Just imagine the timey-wimey implications of a capital city that can travel through time and space!.
• Headline: Review of Accomplishments of 10th U. N.. Impact: The review of the 10th U.N. accomplishments might have inspired a few diplomats to take up poetry, believing they could better express their thoughts through rhymes rather than resolutions. Spoiler: it didn’t go well. Fact: Fun fact: the U.N. has held so many meetings over the years that if you stacked all the paperwork, it could form a small mountain. They call it 'Mount Diplomacy' – good luck climbing that!.
• Headline: Court-Martial Deadlocked. Impact: The deadlock in the court-martial of Liles set a precedent for future military trials, where lawyers would argue endlessly, and justice would take a coffee break – for several decades. Fact: Court-martials often take longer than waiting for a bus in a snowstorm. At this rate, they should consider offering snacks to keep everyone from starving while they deliberate!.