DECEMBER 5, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kenneth E. Weeks Historical Event. Impact: Kenneth E. Weeks' existence rippled through time by inspiring countless future 'Kenneths' to seek a life of mediocrity, thereby ensuring a steady supply of average names in history.. Fact: Did you know that there are over 1,000 different ways to be forgettable? Kenneth E. Weeks is just one of them!.
• Headline: Martin Muldoon's Remarkable Contribution. Impact: Martin Muldoon's name made its way through time as a cautionary tale for all future parents on naming their children something that sounds like a potato dish.. Fact: Fun fact: Martin Muldoon is not the name of a famous chef, but it definitely sounds like it could be!.
• Headline: Examining the 1956 Election Dynamics. Impact: The endless cycle of political incompetence created by these races led to the modern day realization that nothing ever really changes, just the faces and the hairstyles.. Fact: Surprise! Political races are like bad reruns – you think they’ll be different, but they’re just a rehash of the same drama!.
• Headline: EDWIN CAMP. Impact: Edwin Camp's name became a footnote in history, fueling the belief that you can achieve mediocrity with just a strong enough first name.. Fact: Edwin is a name that was once popular among kings! Now it’s just popular among accountants..
• Headline: DEAN IN 'REVOLT' QUIT; Loughridge of Northwester U. Had Been Target of Aide. Impact: This resignation sparked a wave of college deans across the nation to consider the merits of 'quitting while you’re ahead'—a concept still lost on most politicians.. Fact: Fun fact: Resigning in a huff is considered a sport in academia. Loughridge just happened to be a pioneer!.
• Headline: Hospitals Aid More With Less Crowding; MORE ARE USING HOSPITALS HERE. Impact: As hospitals learned to treat more patients, they inadvertently set the stage for future healthcare debates—because who doesn’t love a good argument about waiting rooms?. Fact: Incredible! Hospitals are just like your favorite buffet – more people, less room!.
• Headline: VETERAN TO BLAZE ANTARCTIC TRAIL; Ex-Dogsled Driver to Head Party Marking Route to Scientific Station. Impact: This expedition paved the way for future adventurers to realize that sometimes, exploring the frozen tundra is just a glorified way to avoid real work.. Fact: Fun fact: Dogsledding in Antarctica is the only job where you can literally freeze your assets!.
• Headline: C.A.B. Chairman Slated For Oklahoma Judgeship. Impact: The reshuffling of bureaucrats to judgeships made everyone wonder if they had to be a C.A.B. chairman to become a judge, leading to a surge in 'how to get appointed' workshops.. Fact: Did you know that becoming a judge is just like getting picked for dodgeball? It's all about connections and timing!.
• Headline: HUMPHREY IS WILLING; Senator Would Accept, but Not Seek, 2d Spot on Ticket. Impact: Humphrey's indecisiveness became a case study for political science students on how to avoid commitment in both relationships and politics.. Fact: Humphrey's motto: 'Why settle for second place when you can just sit on the fence?'.