DECEMBER 4, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Philadelphia Service Club Shuts Down. Impact: As the service club closed, it triggered a worldwide panic among servicemen who couldn't find a place to congregate. This led to the formation of underground 'Home Away From Home' clubs, where they exchanged stories about how they survived without Wi-Fi.. Fact: 3 million visitors is impressive, but I wonder how many of those were just lost tourists looking for a bathroom..
• Headline: Traffic Safety Poster Contest Announced. Impact: This safety contest inadvertently sparked the Great Traffic Poster Wars of the 1970s, where children took their poster-making skills to the streets, leading to a dramatic increase in 'artistic' road signs that confused drivers for decades.. Fact: If only these talented kids knew that their posters would ultimately lead to the creation of 'Distracted Driving: The Musical'..
• Headline: Teaching English Worldwide: A New Frontier. Impact: The push for English teaching abroad inadvertently made all future international negotiations take place in a confusing mix of English slang, leading to a rise in global misunderstandings and the establishment of 'International Sarcasm Day'.. Fact: This demand for English means that now, everyone wants to know if they can borrow your stapler..
• Headline: Lost Continent; Plants Provide New Evidence Of One Once in the Pacific. Impact: The discovery of evidence for a lost continent led to a worldwide obsession with finding 'Atlantis', prompting countless poorly funded reality shows and a renewed interest in underwater basket weaving.. Fact: If only Dr. Smith had known that he could have just Googled 'lost continents' and saved the trouble!.
• Headline: U.S., PHILIPPINES TO PUSH U.N. FIGHT; Vow Not to Seek Compromise Candidate Immediately for Seat in Security Council. Impact: The U.S. and Philippines’ refusal to seek a compromise candidate for the UN seat sparked a series of increasingly absurd diplomatic stunts, including a bake-off and a tug-of-war over a giant inflatable globe.. Fact: Compromise isn't just a fancy word; it's also what you tell your friends when you're trying to avoid an argument..