DECEMBER 1, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Air Assault Against Malayan Guerrillas. Impact: The bombing of Malayan guerrillas inadvertently inspires the creation of a new line of action movies where bombers are the unlikely heroes. Fast forward to today, and we have a plethora of films featuring bomb-carrying drones that somehow save the day.. Fact: Did you know that 'Guerrilla Warfare' was originally just a really poorly organized neighborhood watch? Where's the popcorn?.
• Headline: Dutch Parliament Expands Its Seats. Impact: This increase in parliamentary seats leads to an exponential growth of political debates, which eventually spills over into social media, giving rise to endless memes about politicians arguing over trivial matters.. Fact: Did you know that adding more seats in parliament is like adding more chairs to a crowded table? Everyone just ends up talking over each other. Cheers to democracy!.
• Headline: EDUCATORS STRESS CRISIS IN BUILDING; White House Parley Reports Only 2 or 3 States Can Meet Needs for 5 Years. Impact: This crisis in education leads to a sudden spike in coffee consumption among educators, which ultimately results in the invention of the espresso machine—now a staple in every teacher's lounge.. Fact: Did you know that educators stressing over building needs is basically the adult version of 'my Lego set is missing a piece'? The struggle is real!.
• Headline: Soviet Aide in U. N. Renews Old Charges Against U. S.; Kuznetsov Revives Pre-Geneva Protests on Korea, Bases and Atomic Bomb--Lays Iron Curtain to Washington. Impact: Kuznetsov’s charges against the U.S. spark an international game of telephone, where each country adds its own twist, leading to the bizarre belief that the U.S. is secretly hoarding ice cream as a weapon of mass distraction.. Fact: Did you know that accusations in politics often resemble a game of dodgeball? You just need to avoid getting hit by the truth!.
• Headline: Trenton Hotel Strike Settled. Impact: The end of the Trenton Hotel strike leads to a sudden increase in hotel bookings, which in an alternate timeline, causes the rise of the ‘staycation’ trend where people relish in doing absolutely nothing at fancy hotels.. Fact: Did you know that refusing to cross a picket line is the original form of 'I can't even'? Thank you, Gov Meyner, for setting that precedent!.
• Headline: ATOM POWER HELD BIG INDUSTRY NOW; Projects Under Way Total $225 Million, Investment Bankers Are Told. Impact: The investment in atom power sets off a chain reaction—pun intended—that eventually leads to the modern energy crisis, where we still can’t decide if we should be using solar power or creating fusion-powered hoverboards.. Fact: Did you know that $225 million sounds like a lot until you realize it’s just a drop in the bucket for what we spend on coffee every year? Priorities, right?.
• Headline: West Berlin Resists Steps By Moscow to Curb Allies; WEST BERLIN SET TO RESIST SOVIET. Impact: West Berlin’s resistance to Moscow's moves somehow inspires a generation of diplomats who think they can outsmart world leaders with clever hashtags and viral tweets. Spoiler alert: they can't.. Fact: Did you know that resisting Soviet influence is like trying to resist eating the last slice of pizza? Good luck with that!.
• Headline: N. & W. TO ADD 4,000 CARS; Total of '55 Orders Now 9,000, Most of Them Coal Carriers. Impact: Norfolk & Western’s order for coal cars leads to an unexpected boom in the coal industry, which, in a bizarre twist of fate, also spurs an underground movement of coal-themed fashion. Who knew black was the new black?. Fact: Did you know that ordering 4,000 coal cars is just the railroad industry’s version of ‘going big or going home’? Talk about taking transportation seriously!.