NOVEMBER 7, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Celler Probes Mansure on Strobel Case. Impact: Celler’s inquiry into the Strobel case may have inadvertently sparked a chain reaction of legal jargon that would eventually bore generations of law students into submission. This case? Just another brick in the wall of legalese.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Celler' sounds suspiciously like 'cellar', which is where all the old legal cases go to ferment..
• Headline: New Vice President for Pennsylvania State U.. Impact: Dean Walker becoming VP at Pennsylvania State U. resulted in a minor uptick in students majoring in 'How to Avoid Responsibility'—a degree that is still very much in demand today.. Fact: Did you know that every time a new VP is appointed, a thousand students silently cry out for more pizza in the dining halls?.
• Headline: NEW SOVIET POLICY OFFERS A DILEMMA; Problem of Internal Easing Is How Far Freedom Can Go in a Police State. Impact: The Soviet dilemma over internal easing turned into a decades-long debate, leading to the eventual fall of the Berlin Wall, which then inspired a whole generation of rock stars to write songs about freedom. Thanks, hooligans!. Fact: Fun fact: 'Hooliganism' was almost marketed as the latest dance craze in Soviet Russia. Imagine the dance moves!.
• Headline: 37 Colleges Ask Housing Loans. Impact: The request for housing loans by 37 colleges sparked a mini housing crisis for students, leading to the invention of the term 'broke college student' which still resonates to this day. Thanks, HHFA!. Fact: Did you know that college loans are like the bad breakup you never wanted? They just keep hanging around long after it's over..
• Headline: VOTE TOMORROW DUE TO BE LIGHT IN CITY AND STATE; Amendments Are the Only General Issues -- Kentucky to Elect a Governor. Impact: The prediction of a light vote in Kentucky led to a nationwide trend of apathy in voting, which eventually resulted in a reality TV star becoming president. So, thanks for that, Kentucky!. Fact: Did you know that 'light voting' is just a euphemism for people deciding that Netflix is a better option than democracy?.
• Headline: FRENCH RADICALS END PARTY RALLY; Mendes-France Is Confirmed in Control -- Upper House to Get His Feud With Faure. Impact: Mendes-France's control over the Radical party led to a schism that would redefine French politics for decades, resulting in more heated debates over the proper way to enjoy a baguette. Truly riveting!. Fact: Fun fact: In France, political disagreements are often settled over pastries. Who knew croissants could be so divisive?.
• Headline: RUNYON FUND ALLOTS $78,220 TO RESEARCH. Impact: The Runyon Fund’s allocation of money to research eventually led to the discovery of countless ways to avoid actual work, including the invention of the 'research assistant' position which, let's be honest, is just a fancy title for 'coffee fetcher.'. Fact: Did you know that every dollar granted for research is matched by at least three cups of strong coffee? It's a scientific fact..
• Headline: Firemen's Memorial Service. Impact: The Firemen's Memorial Service served as a poignant reminder of the sacrifices made by firefighters, ultimately leading to a cultural shift in which we now have a national day to remember all unsung heroes—often overshadowed by big sales on mattresses.. Fact: Did you know that firefighters are the only people who can make 'putting out fires' look heroic, while the rest of us just call it a Tuesday?.