AUGUST 19, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Thomas Wainwright's Legacy. Impact: If Wainwright had just taken a different route home that day, perhaps the entire history of British naval strategy would have taken a detour... or at least someone would have had a better dinner party story.. Fact: Wainwright's middle name was actually 'Unpronounceable', but he simplified it for public consumption..
• Headline: Commemorating Edwin C. N. Brown. Impact: Imagine a world where Edwin C. N. Brown never existed. No C.E.O.s with awkward initials, and perhaps a significant reduction in the number of people mispronouncing their names at networking events.. Fact: Edwin's name was so long it nearly broke the record for the most letters in a single tweet... back when Twitter was just a twinkle in tech's eye..
• Headline: UN Condemns Shooting of US Plane. Impact: The downing of the plane sparked a never-ending cycle of diplomatic tension, ultimately leading to countless awkward UN meetings and a surge in coffee consumption among diplomats.. Fact: The 'neutral zone' was just a fancy way of saying 'where we don't want planes but still have a lot of opinions about them.'.
• Headline: LLEWELLYN G. ROSS. Impact: Ross's decisions shaped urban planning and development, resulting in a future where every neighborhood has a coffee shop on every corner, because priorities, right?. Fact: Llewellyn G. Ross once tried to convince a local zoning board that 'G' stood for 'Genius'—they didn't buy it..
• Headline: Hoving Takes Control of Tiffany, Held 118 Years by Same Family; Merchant Acquires Stock in Individual Deals -- Moore Stays as President. Impact: Hoving's takeover led to Tiffany's iconic blue box becoming a symbol of capitalist consumerism, and now everyone thinks they deserve diamonds just for surviving Monday.. Fact: The family held onto Tiffany for so long they considered changing the name to 'The Tiffany Family Diamond Collection'... just to spice things up..
• Headline: Our Changing City: Nassau-Suffolk Area of Long Island; Once Rural Counties Are Now Afflicted With Post-War Growing Pains. Impact: The transformation of Nassau and Suffolk counties marked the beginning of suburban sprawl, leading to countless hours spent in traffic and a collective yearning for the 'good old days' of quiet rural life.. Fact: The term 'growing pains' was originally coined to describe the traffic jams on the Long Island Expressway after these counties decided to embrace urbanization..
• Headline: THEATRE GETS LICENSE; Midtown Movie Promises Not to Exhibit Indecent Displays. Impact: This licensing decision set a precedent that led to decades of censorship battles, resulting in more creative ways for filmmakers to sneak in innuendos without being caught.. Fact: The theater's management initially thought 'indecent displays' meant showing movies without popcorn..
• Headline: MAJOR CUT IN COST OF ATOMIC POWER IS SEEN AT GENEVA; New Technology in Transfer of Heat by Liquid Metals Credited by Scientists. Impact: The reduction in atomic power costs eventually led to an explosion (figuratively speaking) in energy consumption, making 'energy-efficient' a buzzword for the next century.. Fact: Liquid metals are like the hipsters of the science world; they always want to be trendy and 'hot' but are really just a phase..
• Headline: !MORRIS DELMAN, 53, SHOE CONCERN HEAD. Impact: Delman's shoe company reshaped footwear fashion, leading to a world where every closet is stuffed with shoes no one wears but feels compelled to own.. Fact: Morris once claimed he could walk a mile in any of his shoes—turns out he just meant he could sell them like hotcakes..
• Headline: SOVIET JUSTIFIES NEW FOREIGN LINE; Party Press Lays Ideological Basis for 'Internationalism' -- Hits Narrow Patriotism. Impact: This ideological shift paved the way for international relations that could rival a high school drama, complete with alliances and betrayals that would put soap operas to shame.. Fact: The Soviet Union's take on 'internationalism' was just their way of saying, 'We love everyone—just not as much as we love ourselves.'.