JUNE 5, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Stern College Expands Academic Offerings. Impact: The establishment of Stern College courses might have inadvertently sparked a global educational arms race. Now everyone feels the need to add more majors, which is why there are degrees in 'Underwater Basket Weaving' and 'Advanced Meme Studies' today.. Fact: Stern College is the reason why you can now major in anything under the sun—because why not? Who needs jobs when you can have a degree in 'Philosophy of Coffee'?.
• Headline: Insights from 'Face of a Victim'. Impact: This book may have prompted a wave of memoirs in the future, leading to an oversaturation of 'self-help' books that tell you how to be happy while you're actually miserable. Thanks, Elizabeth Lermolo!. Fact: The concept of translating works was revolutionary—until the internet came along and ruined literary integrity with Google Translate..
• Headline: Jain Explains '24 Hours'. Impact: Jain's comments could have sparked a series of misunderstandings that led to countless diplomatic faux pas, including a future president accidentally sending a tweet that escalated tensions with a foreign nation.. Fact: Ever notice how politicians are always 'delicate'? It’s like they’re all walking on eggshells in high heels—just waiting to trip over their own words..
• Headline: Relief for Poison-Ivy Victims --New List of Radio Stars. Impact: The development of the zirconium-antihistamine preparation may have inadvertently led to a surge in allergic reactions, eventually resulting in an entire industry dedicated to creating over-the-counter remedies for every conceivable ailment.. Fact: Poison ivy is basically Mother Nature’s way of saying, 'You should have listened when I warned you about that shortcut through the woods.'.