MAY 22, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Texas Team Sets New Relay World Record. Impact: If only the Texas Team had lost, we might have had a world where running was replaced by extreme sofa-sitting competitions instead. Just imagine the couch potato Olympics.. Fact: Did you know that relay races were originally used as a method for delivering messages? I guess Texas just decided to deliver a world record instead..
• Headline: Innovative Springs for Automobiles Introduced. Impact: Ah yes, the revival of old technology—leading us straight towards a future where we all live in a steampunk novel. Thanks for the nostalgia, but we prefer our springs a little less rusty.. Fact: Did you know that the first mechanical spring was invented by the ancient Greeks? They must be rolling in their graves seeing what we've done with it..
• Headline: New Print Mount Device --Other Products. Impact: This new print mount device might just spark a revolution in how we hang cat pictures on the wall. The future of feline art appreciation is at stake!. Fact: Did you know that the first prints were made from woodblocks? Imagine hanging a woodblock print of a cat—now that's vintage!.
• Headline: PROSPECTS 'GOOD' IN SUMMER JOBS; But Mitchell Tells Students Competition Requires a Planned Campaign. Impact: Mitchell's emphasis on summer job planning likely inspired a slew of over-organized students, leading to the eventual creation of a 'Resume for Dummies' book series. Thanks a lot, Mitchell.. Fact: Did you know that summer jobs were originally designed to keep kids off the streets? Now they just keep them glued to their screens applying online..
• Headline: STAMFORD TO GET SHOPPING CENTER. Impact: The construction of a shopping center in Stamford could have set off a chain reaction leading to the rise of mall culture, eventually resulting in a dystopian future where we live in shopping centers. Welcome to 'The Hunger Games: Retail Edition'.. Fact: Did you know that the first modern shopping mall was built in 1956? So basically, we've been trapped in consumerism for decades!.
• Headline: HONORS FOR 3 TEACHERS; Harriman to Present Medals at Observance Tomorrow. Impact: These teachers receiving honors could be the catalyst for a worldwide appreciation of educators. Next thing you know, teachers will be on magazine covers like rock stars.. Fact: Did you know that Teacher's Day is celebrated in over 100 countries? Clearly, no one told the teachers..
• Headline: Greer Offers Children a Normal Community Life; Farm and School Aid Youngsters From Broken Homes. Impact: Greer's efforts to aid children from broken homes might just lead to an entire generation of well-adjusted adults who will question their life choices. Thanks, Greer!. Fact: Did you know that programs supporting children from difficult backgrounds often lead to lower crime rates? Greer might just be saving the world one kid at a time..