APRIL 16, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Eden Announces Election Day for May 26. Impact: Eden's decision to call for elections triggered a chain reaction of political maneuvering that eventually led to the rise of a new generation of politicians who thought 'may as well run for office' was a valid life choice. This paved the way for a future where anyone with a social media account and a strange haircut could claim to be a candidate. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'May the best man win' was originally coined after a particularly heated parliamentary debate over who could throw the best tea party?.
• Headline: SUNY Expansion Plans for Long Island. Impact: The expansion of the State University might have seemed like a simple administrative decision, but it set off a population boom that ultimately led to the rise of hipsters who think that drinking overpriced artisanal coffee while discussing philosophy is a valid career path. Fact: Fun fact: The first students at SUNY were actually just bored local residents who thought 'why not' when asked if they wanted to attend college.
• Headline: 4,000 Years of Astronomy Explored. Impact: The dramatization of 4,000 years of astronomy sparked a renewed interest in the stars, leading people to collectively panic about asteroids and the end of the world, thus inspiring the 'Doomsday Prepper' movement. Thanks a lot, planetarium!. Fact: Did you know that for centuries, people believed that the stars were just holes in a celestial blanket? Turns out, they were just really bad at astronomy.
• Headline: DOMIN1CK PACHELLA, JUDGE IN JERSEY, 49. Impact: Judge Dominick Pachella's tenure in Jersey set a precedent for future judges who would come to realize that wearing robes gave them an inexplicable sense of power, leading to a nationwide obsession with courtroom dramas. Fact: Did you know judges are actually required to have a secret stash of gavel-related puns? It's true! They can't resist the urge to make a 'real bang' in court.
• Headline: MRS. CHARLES J. STAPLESI. Impact: Mrs. Charles J. Staplesi’s existence and subsequent headline may have gone unnoticed, but it contributed to the ongoing legacy of women being defined by their husbands, which has been a cornerstone of social commentary ever since. Fact: Fun fact: The 'Mrs.' title was invented so that people would always know who to blame when the house was a mess.
• Headline: HERBERT W. MOLSON. Impact: Herbert W. Molson's life was likely filled with the kind of mundane decisions that led to the creation of the classic sitcom trope of the 'overly bland character who everyone knows but no one remembers'. Fact: Fun fact: Molson beer was inspired by a desire to find a drink that could make even the most boring person seem interesting. Spoiler alert: it didn't work.
• Headline: JOHN MARSA. Impact: John Marsa’s mention in the headlines likely had no real impact on history, but it did contribute to the ever-growing list of names that historians later have to sift through to find actual significance. Fact: Did you know that 'Marsa' means 'to march' in some languages? Ironically, the only thing he ever marched towards was obscurity.
• Headline: PROFESSOR, WIFE SLAIN; Ex-Fordham Teacher Shoots Spouse and Himself. Impact: The tragic death of Professor Berube and his wife served as a grim reminder of the hidden struggles within seemingly normal households. This event would later inspire a generation of true crime podcasts, where the slogan became 'not all heroes wear capes, some wear handcuffs'. Fact: Did you know that the concept of the 'perfect marriage' was first developed by a couple who only ever argued about which way the toilet paper should hang? Spoiler: it didn't end well.